Instead, last night, Vince McMahon inducted everyone watching into The Kiss My Ass Club.

Last week, Raw ends with the now somewhat almost kind of infamous walkout. Triple H stood in the ring as midcarders, heels, divas, and superstars from Superstars walked out on him. JR even stood up and walked out on him. The cameramen walked out on him. Even Stephanie stepped out on him, but that’s a story for another day. The WWE Universe, while not completely sold on the story, was at least curious where it was going. And then Smackdown hit and Trips just said, “I won’t show up and everything will be fine!” And it was. Because that makes sense. No one hates their boss when their boss isn’t at work. Oh wait, no. It was a bunch of professional wrestlers whining about an unsafe work environment. And it was boring as shit.

So this week’s Raw kicks off. And the beginning was fabulous. I think the Internet Community more or less agrees on that. HHH, Punk, Cena, and Sheamus put on a great front that good things were going to happen… knowing full well that wasn’t true at all. For that, I nominate each of them for Emmys. Punk had some great one liners. HHH got the crowd all fired up. Cena had good reasons for still being there and managed to insult the computer and the 56 celebrity GMs all at once. Sheamus looked good and even brought up… wait for it… THE PAST. Oh, it’s true, boys and girls. It’s damn true. Punk went to do commentary. HHH was set to ref. Cena and Sheamus were going to put on a five star classic. And then we went to commercial. When we returned, everything fell apart with the super rushed, forced, idiotic return of Vincent Kennedy Kennedy McMahon (minus one Kennedy).

You can read how the rest goes elsewhere, but I’d rather spend the rest of Tuesday Morning Creative Team discussing how I think it should have been booked. Feel free to disagree with me. That’s what makes being a WWE fan so much fun. The fact that we all believe something else would have been better than whatever we were given… and yet we all show up each week, waiting to see what they hand us instead.

If I were in charge, here’s how last night would have played out.

The beginning would be really similar, except for one key ingredient. HHH would have said, “You don’t want to work here? That’s fine. I don’t mind. Unfortunately, that means you won’t be receiving pay checks this week. Also, I’m hereby vacating every single title. This isn’t 1995. If you don’t work here, you can’t be our champion.” He would have then put Punk, Cena, and Sheamus in a three way match for the vacated WWE Championship, saying the other title would be contested on Smackdown. He would have brought in other announcers, who don’t currently work for WWE, preferably people with a tie to his own past, like Shawn Michaels. The match would have gone for literally over an hour, because these three guys could pull that off with no problem and make it interesting. Michaels could have been on commentary, talking about the night he went an hour with Cena on Raw, making it more legit. The finish, in just over an hour, Cena would hit Punk with the AA, dropping him to the outside floor. Cena would turn around into Sheamus, who would lock in a new submission move, forcing Cena (after a lot of struggling) to tap out.

We’re now about an hour and fifteen minutes into the show (the beginning would have taken a while). As Sheamus holds his new title over his head, who should return, but Alberto Del Rio, claiming, “You can’t be the Champion. I have the title.” Sheamus would invite him to come and get it. HHH would take to the mic and say, “I’m sorry, you don’t work here. You walked out. And by the way, that work Visa of yours? Gone.” And INS would come take Del Rio away… I figure Vince needs to be entertained somehow, right?

We pan outside, to the group of “walkouts” who are watching the show from the parking lot. HHH would ask if any other champions would like to change their minds right now and come inside and reclaim their titles. The champs would stand around, trying to figure out if they should go or not. HHH would then say, “Tell you what, what if I just give them away? First two men to the ring get to face off right here, right now, for the IC Title.” The group falls apart as people race to the ring. I don’t even care who gets to the ring. Could be Cody, could be anyone. But we have a match for a title and the title is the goal. And the title MEANS something to these people. It means way more than who is in charge.

Of course there is another group, who actually stayed outside. These people are still actually protesting. It doesn’t even matter who’s in the group, but there should be some who meant it, such as Miz and Rtruth, who are clearly just visiting friends, as they don’t work there. Christian should not be in this group, as he just wants a title. These people, led by Otunga, will keep trying to convince the others, whether they succeed or not. I would leave Ziggler outside for a moment.

To close the show, (with about 20 minutes left) HHH comes on the big screen again and tells Ziggler that if he wants to still be US Champ, he has one minute to get to the ring. Ziggler thinks about it. Vickie tries to stop him. Ziggler pushes her out of the way and runs in, sliding into the ring as time expires. HHH congratulates him. Ziggler asks for his belt. HHH said, “Sure, I’ll give you a chance to keep your belt. You just have to beat this man. Zack Ryder’s music hits. Zack makes his way out, apologizing to HHH again, off mic. HHH points to the ring. Z and Z have a great match. Ziggler hits the Zig Zag. Jack Swagger and Vickie come down, distracting him. Ziggler eats the Rough Ryder. As Zack goes for the pin, Vickie pulls HHH out of the ring. H goes to hit her and Swagger steps up, fighting him. The locker room empties and everyone mad at HHH goes down and kicks the shit out of him. Cena, Punk, and WWE Champion, Sheamus come down to fight them off. It turns into an all out brawl, with everyone hitting everyone. Preferably, we end with the heels standing tall and Zack Ryder wondering where his title went. HHH should be out cold. Cena, Punk, and Sheamus shouldn’t be much better off.

But James, that doesn’t answer any questions. What happens next? EXACTLY. See how there was no pay off but it was a great show? That’s what wrestling should be. It shouldn’t be, “Last week’s cliffhanger was great. Let’s come back, tie up some loose ends, ignore some others, and just give up. This is how you make people want to watch for a THIRD week. You know, the opposite of what the real Raw did last night.

If you want to convince us you haven’t left wrestling behind, maybe you should try showing up at the arena instead of making a film and sending it in.

The Match: The Miz V. Jerry Lawler
What Should Happen: If I was booking this, I would actually put the title on Jerry Lawler. Wow. Did you hear that? A chorus of boos. I’m off to a good start already. I would put the title on Jerry Lawler, because I would want him to have a one day title reign. This does several things in my opinion. First, it swerves everyone. While I’m not a big fan of that always happening, (AKA WCW), I am a fan of the occasional, “Holy hell. Did they just do that?” I think this moment could be one of those times. Jerry with the title for a day would show him how much he meant to the WWE for his years of service. It would also re-kickstart the Miz. He’s become boring and complacent. He just comes out and runs his mouth – which, is what most wrestlers do – but when he’s booked into this feud, what is there to do? To me, he’s become a straight out placeholder for Cena. Someone to keep the title warm until Cena comes after him at Mania. I think having Lawler win and then have Miz snap and NEED it back would be much more interesting than him coming out and saying, “I beat up a senior citizen.” Then, on Raw, we get a showdown of Cena and Lawler, like this could really happen at Mania. Only to have the GM put the rematch clause into effect. Miz and his cronies try to beat Lawler and can’t, but Cole makes the save. Miz is the new champion. Lawler and Cole have a real reason to face off at Wrestlemania. Lawler could even interfere at Mania and help Cena capture the gold, only to have Rocky overturn it and restart the match, until Cena actually pulls it out. I’m telling you, a one day Jerry The King Lawler title reign is what Raw needs heading into the biggest pay per view of the year. It sounds dumb, but it’s not.
What Will Happen: Lawler will almost have the win, Cole will interfere. Lawler loses. This match meant absolutely nothing. WWE flushes one of the best potential buildups they have going right now.

The Match: Kofi Kingston V. Alberto Del Rio (non-title)
What Should Happen: What should happen is easy. Anyone other than Alberto Del Rio should be in this match. Del Rio needs to do nothing on this pay per view other than come out and run his mouth. Talk about how he got the night off, because he was so excellent last month and will be so excellent next month. What should happen is the IC Title should be defended. Just like the US Title should be defended. There is no reason that we don’t have a midcard feud going on here to start building this. Instead, these titles will not be defended here or at mania. Why are these two facing each other? To put Del Rio over. Del Rio could just as easily face JTG to get over. This makes no sense. Having Del Rio lose would make him look like crap heading into Mania. Having him win makes the IC Champion look even less important than he already does. It just leaves me shaking my head. If this match needs to take place, I feel Edge should interfere and lay out Del Rio, costing him the match. That would only work if Del Rio can somehow attack edge before the Elimination Chamber, thus making him forfeit the title before the match.
What Will Happen: Alberto will come out, put on a good match with Kingston and get the easy win. This is guaranteed.

The Match: Smackdown Elimination Chamber – Kane V. Edge V. Rey Mysterio Jr V. Drew McIntyre V. Wade Barrett V. EMPTY SPOT
What Should Happen: Let me start with who should win. I would love to see Rey Mysterio win this. If you know me at all, you would know that there is absolutely no love lost between me and Mysterio. We hate each other. Well, he would hate me if he knew the things I say about him. Now then, with that said, the simple fact remains that there is a very huge population of Mexican wrestling fans. I cannot see a match that would be a bigger draw to these fans at Wrestlemania than Alberto Del Rio V. Rey Mysterio for the championship. This would give Edge a lower card match with Dolph, or possibly even a shot at Money In The Bank. Alberto and Rey have a history. They also have huge backing from their time wrestling in Mexico. I really believe this match would be a big draw in one of the largest markets that WWE has. With that said, here are the people I would like to see take the open spot which used to belong to Dolph Ziggler. The obvious choices to me are Chris Jericho, Triple H, or the Undertaker. Jericho has a book to promote and a Mania paycheck would be nice. Triple H has been ready to return for a while. Taker is back on Monday, why not put him in this match, have Trips rip through the floor like Michaels did, and cost him the match? That would lead to their match at Mania with HBK as referee. I think that scenario could actually work in either direction. Taker could just as easily rip through the floor and lay Trips out… but I think that’s harder to explain. Now, my dark horse candidate, but the one I’d like to see the most – Christian. Again, I know, my booking is the reason WWE would never hire me, but hear me out. Christian returns. E and C rock the cage, right? It comes down to Edge V. Christian. The crowd pops like a mother fucker. Christian looks like he actually stands a chance. Many near falls. The crowd is torn on who to go for. Edge finally pulls it out at the last second and he’s going to Wrestlemania. Christian and his hundreds… AND HUNDREDS… of fans lament the loss. Christian fucks Edge over at Mania and we have a built in feud. Hell, he could help him retain and we still get the feud. If I got my Jerry Lawler moment, I wouldn’t mind seeing the Miz con his way into this match, only to come up short and get even more infuriated.
What Will Happen: Dolph Ziggler will be the mystery opponent in the Cage. I don’t want to believe that’s true. I really want to think it’s Y2J, Taker, or Trips, but the fact is that Ziggler is still on the graphic on WWE.Com, and if they really wanted to hype an open spot, I think they would change that. I’m praying that I’m wrong about this. Here’s what I do know – Kane, Wade, and Drew are not walking out as champion. Edge and Rey are faces. Del Rio is a heel. It has to be Edge or Rey, barring an absolute long shot by the person in the empty spot. There is no way in hell Dolph Ziggler wins this match up.

The Match: Raw Eliminaton Chamber – John Cena V. Not Gonna Win V. Not Gonna Win V. Not Gonna Win V. Not Gonna Win V. Not Gonna Win… I mean, John Cena V. John Morrison V. R-Truth (I can’t even say that with a straight face. Why is he in this match?) V. Randy Orton V. CM Punk V. Shaemus
What Should Happen: In an absolutely perfect world, John Morrison walks out of here as the Number One contender. But you can stop laughing now. I know the odds of that as well. Other than R-Truth being involved, this match is an all around solid bet for match of the night. I’m annoyed that we all know Cena is winning. After all, he NEEDS this. He’s only been in one of the main matches at Mania for five years in a row. Gotta make it six. Since I’m giving in and admitting Cena is winning, I would like to point out that I think it should come down to Morrison V. Cena. Morrison is angry right now and they need to keep that going. The best way to do so is have him SHOW why he should be going over at this pay per view. John Morrison V. Cena should get a solid ten minutes of just the two of them with a million false finishes. Morrison could be within seconds of a win, and make one wrong move. Cena slaps on the STFU and it’s over. Allowing Morrison to keep up with Cena would instantly elevate him. Allowing him to come so close and then snap would allow him to ditch the seventies shit so he could make an honest run at the top. I really do believe Morrison is the future, and I can’t wait.
What Will Happen: It will come down to Cena V. Punk or Cena V. Orton. I don’t care either way. We all know Cena is winning. I will say this. I want Morrison to pin R-Truth (Or anyone, but hopefully Truth) with the Starship Pain off of one of the pods. That would make my day.

I will be in attendance on Sunday night, so early next week, I’ll have an update of what I thought of it, and any weird stuff I saw while I was there.

After cashing in his Money In The Bank contract, RVD faced John Cena at the One Night Stand PPV and captured the WWE Championship, at the time, the most important belt in the company.  He became “the main man.”  After all his years in the old ECW company and being a fan favorite (for whatever reason), RVD was finally given a run at the top of the wrestling world.  Paul Heyman promised to rechristen the belt the ECW Championship.  When it came time to do so, however, Van Dam announced he would have two belts, because he wanted to keep the WWE Championship.  Why?  Because it spins.  I’m so not making that up.

Suddenly, there were three belts in the land.  This is where everything was make or break for ECW.  This is the reason I believe that Rob Van Dam KILLED ECW.  This new title was exactly that – new.  Why should the fans care?  The new fans didn’t care what ECW had been.  The old ECW fans didn’t think this was ACTUALLY anything like the old ECW.  This belt didn’t mean anything.  And you know what?  That’s why ECW failed.

But why didn’t the belt mean anything?  Because Rob Van Dam fucked up.  While carrying both titles, he made the new title EQUAL to the most prestigious belt in the land.  He was a double champion.  He defended each.  He made them both look good.  He made the fans CARE that there was a title on ECW.

Then, on July 2, 2006, not even a month after becoming a double champion, Rob Van Dam was pulled over in his car, and was found to be in possession of eighteen grams of marijuana and five vicodin pills.  While he made bail, he clearly could not be the poster child of the WWE.  So Vince did what anyone in his position would do and made Van Dam drop both titles.  Edge took the WWE Spinner Championship in a threeway match between Edge, RVD, and John Cena on July 3.  The next night, on July 4, Paul Heyman turned on RVD, costing him the ECW Championship in a match against The Big Show.

Not really how Rob had probably planned to spend his week.  Rob fucked up.  And in doing so, caused a few things to happen.

Not only did he drop both titles and lose the excess cash guaranteed to champions, Rob cost ECW everything.

With the two titles on different people, they were no longer seen as equally important.  The ECW title quickly lost prestige.  On top of that, the way Van Dam dropped the title involved Paul Heyman, former owner of the actual ECW, turning on one of his biggest stars and laying him out to hand the new ECW title to the Big Show, a man who never wrestled in the actual ECW.  New fans were confused.  Old fans were insulted.  Heyman, the man who needed the fans’ backing to keep ECW somewhat feeling like old ECW, had let them down.  It was all downhill from there.  There isn’t a single moment after this that TRULY felt like old ECW…  And face it, there’s a reason that neither version of ECW is around anymore.

ECW is truly dead.  ECW is over.  All that remains is a chant the old ECW gave us that we will forever use.  In this case, I truly believe that it should be pointed in Van Dam’s direction, for all of eternity.  Why Rob?  I’ll tell you why.

YOU FUCKED UP!  YOU FUCKED UP!  YOU FUCKED UP!  YOU FUCKED UP!

In the next week, I will be posting a few things on here, including my Elimination Chamber preview and my feelings on watching it live in Oakland on Sunday.

We’ve been averaging more hits since we stopped writing on here than when we had it up… it may be time to renew interest in this.  Thank you for stopping by.

So, there are nine matches that I’m aware of going into this.  I’m going to tell you what I want to see happen and what I think should happen.    These are not in any real order, so sorry if you don’t like the order I put them in.

JOHN CENA V. BATISTA

I’m not a huge fan of either of these guys, but when they were first debuting and I was still writing for the KWEWrestling website, I declared we’d be seeing them battling for the title at Wrestlemania before too long.  This time, they just happen to be facing one another.

WHAT SHOULD HAPPEN:  In a perfect world, Cena would be booked against anyone else.   As it is, Cena should beat Batista and have something bad happen to Batista, like an injury, preferably a career ender.  A third option would be having Batista just beat the living hell out of Cena and leaving him for dead in the ring.

WHAT WILL HAPPEN: Cena will beat Batista, but it will be a beat down first.  Cena will overcome amazing odds to beat Batista and show us that he’s refound his faith in himself.  I will be bored.

WHO I’LL BE ROUTING FOR: Batista

EDGE V. JERICHO

WHAT SHOULD HAPPEN: I think that what happens here is largely based on Money In The Bank.  If Drew McIntyre does indeed win Money In The Bank, Edge is a lock for the win here.  If Christian wins money in the bank, it could go either way and I’d be happy

WHAT WILL HAPPEN:   It will be the match of the night and I’ll be excited either way.

WHO I’LL BE ROUTING FOR:  I’ll be wearing my Edge shirt, but I’m more torn about this match than any other.  These are two of my favorites and they should steal the show with no problem.

SHAWN MICHAELS V. THE UNDERTAKER

WHAT SHOULD HAPPEN:  I know, you’re expecting me to say Shawn should win.  I love Shawn.  I hate Taker, and you know what?  It would still be the wrong answer.  So, what should happen?  Shawn should put on the match of his life and have Taker beaten.  The ref needs to get taken out.  Shawn connects with the Sweet Chin Music and Taker is out.  Shawn makes the pin and counts to five himself, as there’s still no ref.  Then Bret Hart should run out in a ref’s shirt and slide in and make the count… To TWO.  Bret would stand up and smile at Shawn, refusing to count to three.  Shawn would jump up, yelling at him, and Bret would yell, “I… SCREWED…. YOU!”  Taker would pop up behind Shawn, as Bret hits Shawn with a huge right.  Shawn turns around into the tombstone and his career ends in style with Bret Hart smiling from ringside.

WHAT WILL HAPPEN:  This will be a match for the ages.  It may not live up to last year’s, but it should be awesome.  Shawn will be using every weapon he can find at ringside.  He will make us believe that Shawn Michaels is going to end the Undertaker’s streak.  In the end, Taker will prevail and we will get to once again see Shawn Michaels cry in a Wrestlemania ring.

WHO I’LL BE ROUTING FOR:  I’m an HBK fan for life.  I know he’s leaving.  I know he’s doing the job.  I’ll still be marking out like a bitch one last time for the best wrestler I’ve ever seen.

MONEY IN THE BANK

WHAT SHOULD HAPPEN:  This is the year that Christian should be rewarded for his many years of consistently being one of the best workers.  He should cash in at the end of the night.  Since we’re going completely fantasy, I’d like to see Batista retain and have Christian cash in.  Batista laughs at him and accepts.  Then Christian actually pulls it out and wins.  The show would end with Edge and Christian in the ring with the World and WWE titles, hugging each other.  Don’t worry, this doesn’t end with both of them dead within the next few years.

WHAT WILL HAPPEN:  Drew McIntyre will win, as he is in line for the next big push.  Nevermind that he has the IC title around his waist.  We don’t recognize such things.  He is scheduled to face Edge at upcoming houseshows, so this makes the most sense to me.

WHO I’LL BE ROUTING FOR:  CHRISTIAN!  CHRISTIAN!

MIZ-SHOW V. TRUTH/MORRISON

WHAT SHOULD HAPPEN:  Miz-Show should win.  Morrison stays friends with R-Truth and continues to entertain… wait, they’re not entertaining.  So Miz-Show wins, then Morrison grabs the mic and apologizes to the supposed tag team division and the fans for wasting our time.

WHAT WILL HAPPEN:  Miz-Show wins.  Morrison turns heel on R-Truth.

WHO I’LL BE ROUTING FOR:  Miz-Show

THE DIVAS BULLSHIT MATCH

WHAT SHOULD HAPPEN:   Vince should stop having group matches just to put people on the card when he’s just going to ignore them all anyway.

WHAT WILL HAPPEN:  I will stare at Maryse and not care about this match otherwise.

WHO I’LL BE ROUTING FOR:  THE MIZ, because I’m living vicariously through him.  He’s dating Maryse, and that’s AWWWWWWWESOME!

PUNK V. MYSTERIO

WHAT SHOULD HAPPEN:  The Straight Edge Society is the best thing going right now.  I want an amazing match between these two ending with Rey taking a very sick looking GTS off the top rope.  Then I want them to demand that Rey joins The Straight Edge Society, but Rey refuses.  Then SES could just beat him to death.  This would explain the time off that Rey is going to be taking.  Or, they could just literally beat him to DEATH.  I’m alright with that too.

WHAT WILL HAPPEN:  This is another solid match that I can’t wait to see.  I have a feeling Rey is going to over here, miraculously.  That would infuriate Punk and keep Mysterio out of the Straight Edge Society.  Punk demands a rematch at EXTREME RULES, and injures Rey there to explain Rey’s planned time off.

WHO I’LL BE ROUTING FOR:  Again, The Straight Edge Society is the best thing going.  Punk, all the way.

HHH V. SHEAMUS

- This match is brought to you by the Norelco Beard and Mustache Trimmer.

WHAT SHOULD HAPPEN:  Sheamus should just beat the hell out of HHH, leaving him a mess.  Afterward, it should lead to a storyline where HHH wonders what the hell happened and realize he’s been too busy being stupid and playing DX with Shawn and vow to take himself seriously again.  This could even lead to a heel turn.

WHAT WILL HAPPEN:  Sheamus will put up a hell of a fight and prove he deserves to be there, but make one mistake and take the pedigree.  The upside is this feud will continue to the EXTREME RULES PPV, where Sheamus will cleanly go over.

WHO I’LL BE ROUTING FOR:  Sheamus, because I know it will drive the people I’m watching with INSANE.

RANDY ORTON V. TED DIBIASE V. CODY RHODES

WHAT SHOULD HAPPEN:  Cody should turn on Ted and lay him out, turn to celebrate with Randy, and eat an RKO.  Randy makes the cover for the win.

WHAT WILL HAPPEN:  Cody WILL turn on Ted and lay him out, turn to celebrate with Randy, and eat an RKO.  Randy makes the cover for the win.  Randy moves on to bigger and better things and Ted and Cody begin their feud.

WHO I’LL BE ROUTING FOR:  If he was still a heel, Randy Orton.  As it is?  Ted W. DiBiase (That’s for you,  Jason.)

MR. MCMAHON V. BRET HART

WHAT SHOULD HAPPEN:  This match should be a straight-forward brawl with Vince constantly trying to get away, however, since anything is allowed, I would say Vince should have a bunch of people who aren’t on the card interfere and have Bret still pull it out.  This match should be short and end with Vince tapping out to the Sharpshooter.

WHAT WILL HAPPEN:  Pretty much what I just said should happen.

WHO I’LL BE ROUTING FOR:  The Hitman made me love wrestling when I was a kid and I’ll be cheering him on again tonight.    I can’t wait to watch Vince tap.

There is one point I am NOT interested in.  Shawn/Taker II.  I do not feel it is possible to have a match that can come close to living up to last year’s Taker/Michaels match.  Why they’re doing part two is beyond me.  They think we’ll all run out and buy it to see these two… but really…  Why would we?  Here’s what we know:

-          Last year’s match was so amazing it could be match of the decade

-          Taker is more banged up than he was last year and barely moving

-          Both men want time off after their pay checks for Mania

-          Taker NEVER loses at Mania

It’s this last point that bugs me.  It doesn’t bug me in an “I don’t want Taker to win” way.  Quite the opposite.  I feel it is necessary that Taker’s streak remains intact.  As such, I believe the mantra that there is no way Taker will lose.  This, however, leads to a problem with this entire angle for me.  Why should I, as a fan, give a rat’s ass about Shawn’s mission to earn a shot at the Undertaker if I know that Shawn can’t win anyway?  There is this understood fascination between wrestling fans and the Undertaker that we route for his streak to stay intact whether we like him or not.  It’s tradition.  It’s as Wrestlemania as Wrestlemania is.  Every year they tell us his streak is in jeopardy and every year we ooooh and aaaah and sometimes even slightly wonder if it might be.   Still, if Taker really tapped out or had his shoulders down for the three count, we would be PISSED.  Not in the good way, Vince McMahon.  The “I’m going to go watch TNA, Fuck WWE” way.   And even god couldn’t save Vince McMahon if Taker’s streak ended with a countout or a DQ.

What I’m trying to say is that there is no point to a main event type feud for the Undertaker at Wrestlemania.  They could feed him Jack Swagger and we would watch.  Hell, if the match was Undertaker V. Jillian Hall in a singing contest, we would still tune in for his entrance and celebrate when his hand was raised at the end.

But telling us that Shawn Michaels might beat the Undertaker at Wrestlemania?  Get real.  Mr. Wrestlemania V. The True Mr. Wrestlemania?  Not a contest.  It might be a great match.  I might take the record for most 2 counts… but at the end of the day, Shawn Michaels will still be crying that he couldn’t do it.

Or at least he better be.

But that brings me back to the important question.  Why?  Why should I care?  I know Shawn won’t win.  I know Shawn’s entire mission for the next month and a half is pointless because he can’t pull it out.  I know that there is just as much of a chance of the streak ending as Taker insisting he gets to come out to The Patriot’s music and be introduced as Mark Calloway.  (On a side note, it might be fun to see Punk “save” Mark Calloway…)

So for the next month and a half, I have to watch as Shawn Michaels loses everything.  I had to watch him get chucked from the Rumble and kick a couple refs.  I had to watch him lose the tag titles and his tag partner and kick Teddy Long.  I have to watch him whine and cry and scheme his way into matches.  I have to worry that he might actually find a way into the Money In The Bank match and cash it in if Taker is still champ.  I have to watch him waste hours upon hours of storyline that could be building to a good feud… and for what?

For him to lay there at the end of Mania and cry and retire and tell us all that he’s lost his smile?

I’m sorry Shawn.  I’ve been a fan of yours for years, but this story is not doing it for me.  You have often been the greatest story teller in the ring, but this time… something is lost.  I think it’s that we all know it doesn’t matter.  You can work your ass off to claim that it does, but it doesn’t.  18-0 will still be the way it goes.

Personally, I’d rather have seen them feed Taker Jack Swagger.

2. Vince McMahon will reveal that, as a second generation superstar himself, he’s been running Legacy all along. Orton faked kicking him in the head, which we can CLEARLY see from the video, in order to fire up Shane and Stephanie to get them to care a little more about what it means to be third generation superstars.

3. It will be revealed that Chris Jericho actually IS a legend in his own right and he will experience a subsequent mental breakdown, as he comes to grips with the fact that he’s no longer the new kid on the block, but has, in fact, been wrestling just as long as some of the so called legends he’s been trying to put down.

4. Christian will make his long awaited return to the WWE.

5. It will be revealed that Christian secretly returned to WWE at some point before Wrestlemania.

6. In a stunning move, Tommy Dreamer will actually get his storyline back leading to him getting a shot to get the ECW title or possibly retire. In the final seconds of the match, Paul Heyman will return, costing Tommy his shot at the title. Paul E will then destroy the fake ECW title of the fake ECW and issue a challenge for the return of the REAL ECW. The storyline will be dropped two weeks later and will never be mentioned on television again. That is the last we will see of Tommy Dreamer.

7. Santino Marella will attempt to become Women’s Champion. When he fails, he will go to Smackdown and compete for the Diva’s Championship. Whether he wins or not, he will be fired and make his way to TNA, where he will also be ignored.

8. Jack Thwagger will be drafted to THmackdown where he will come up againtht a returning Mr. Kennedy. Kennedy will make fun of Thwagger’th ridiculouth uthe of the name “The All-American American.” Kennedy will thay, “You’re jutht repeating yourthelf, there thon.” Thwagger will point out that Kennedy doeth the thame. Kennedy will take offenthe to thith thtatement and the thhit will hit the fan. They will blow off their feud in a betht two out of three match, proving you have to do everything twice for it to really theem important.

9. This year’s draft will include a fourth drafting spot – The Unemployment Line. We will still get to see wrestler’s reactions live.

10. Matt Hardy will reveal that not only did he attack Jeff on a stairwell, burn his house to the ground, kill Jeff’s dog, and do drugs for weeks before pissing in Jeff’s piss test cup and getting him suspended before Wrestlemania XXIV, but he also humped Jeff’s first girlfriend, let all the air out of his bike tire when Jeff was 11, poked needles through Jeff’s condoms in high school, put saran wrap on Jeff’s toilet on April Fool’s Day, put shaving cream on Jeff’s hand and tickled his face while he was sleeping and he was the one blew up that picture of Jeff in the bathtub when he was three and hung it all over their high school. Matt will also reveal that their dead mother loved Matt more than Jeff and that Jeff was an “oops” baby.

]]> http://wrestlingwithwords.wordpress.com/2009/03/05/my-top-ten-predictions-for-a-post-wrestlemania-wwe/feed/ 1 James Sabata http://wrestlingwithwords.wordpress.com/2009/02/18/not-so-breaking-news-christian-returns-with-the-swagger-of-a-champion/ http://wrestlingwithwords.wordpress.com/2009/02/18/not-so-breaking-news-christian-returns-with-the-swagger-of-a-champion/#comments Wed, 18 Feb 2009 19:20:17 +0000 jamessabata http://wrestlingwithwords.wordpress.com/?p=227 ]]> Latht Tuethday thaw the return of Captain Charithma! Gone from wrethtling for the patht three yearth, doing who knowth what, probably thitting at home watching the kidth or thomething, Chrithtian thurprithed the hell out of me with hith long awaited return. The look on Jack Thwagger’th fathe wath thuper. Jack can act with the betht of them and until latht Tuethday, I wath glad to thee the title around hith thhoulder. But now, I’m jutht picturing Chrithtian hitting the Unprettier on The All American American and becoming ECW champion. I can’t think of a better way for Chrithtian to return to hith old thtomping groundth. What a great thtoryline. After the No Way Out match between Finley and Thwagger, I wath really expecting a Charithmatic promo… but I didn’t get one. But it wath ok, becauthe thith week on ECW, Chrithtian wath back with help from Finley and Hornthwoggle. I wath glad that Chrithtian reminded Hornthwoggle not to dithtract them, becauthe that little bathtard theemth to cauthe a lot of problemth, but more tho, I wath jutht glad to thee Chrithtian on the mic again. Hith mic thkillth are top notch in ECW and make the thhow for me. I can’t wait to thee where thith angle ith going, but I’m really glad he’th on ECW inthtead of being involved in that brouhaha that Matt and Jeff are going through.

I tell them ” That’s silly.  ECW was just a federation that WWE absorbed.  What is the name of the show?”

“ECW” they say.

And I call bullshit and ask what the hell happened then and they say he shit on the ECW champ Jack Swagger.  So I say “oh you mean the guy that only appears on pay-per-views.”  Then they called me an asshole.

Is this a joke guys?  I’m almost starting to think this is a real show but I’m not going to set aside time on Tuesday night to find out I’m being screwed with.  Ah well.  Maybe I’ll see Christian at No Way Out since it will be the one time this month Jack Swagger is on television.