Sure, some of you might have known black people and Jesus were going to win all along. I’m sure Ted Dibiase did. But I will admit now in hindsight that I should have known too. Here Kurt Angle runs his mouth and we know the rest. Because of forces we do not understand, and black people, Kurt Angle is now on a show where women are watched more than he is and he can only muster the strength to put those old bones in the ring one day a month. It’s like he’s some kind of pro wrestler werewolf that only gets his powers under a full moon. So sad.
For those of you that missed it, or don’t watch ECW, or just haven’t watched wrestling in a while, Matt Sydal is now wrestling on ECW. And if you’re upset with what WWE has done with ECW it is worth it to watch and see Sydal wrestle as Evan Bourne.
I was wondering just what in the hell the E was thinking not having Santino on every RAW. Maybe it was so I would get blown away by his return. And for him to confront Mysterio? Great. “The Batman?” Hilarious. I am already digging this feud.
Cena gets escorted out by JBL’s thugs and returns at the end of the show with Cryme Tyme?! TWIB?!!! Forget the stable of legacy wrestlers, forget the Dudleys and Booker, this is the faction I want to see. Vince always seems excited to see Cryme Tyme so it just makes sense that he would team them with his golden boy. I really hope this is happening. I mean I marked the fuck out! I might have finally called something right (previous blog).
I’m not sure if this is TNA’s intention but they should become the alternative to WWE. Does Warrior going to TNA do that? No. But in the time it takes Warrior to come back they could improve. They could dump the stuff that loses viewers like Lethal’s wedding and, just for the hell of it, have Lethal have a good feud and showcase his skills. That goes for the entire X division. And honestly, I can’t be too hard on TNA because they seem to be going in the right direction (Lethal is about to stomp Dutt, AJ feuding with Angle, Joe as champ vs Booker - all good things). If they keep things up and keep going towards more respectable wrestling they could draw in and keep tons of viewers with a return by the Warrior. Seriously, even if Warrior is a flop, the amount of viewers he would bring in during his first month would be huge. And yeah, we doubted this at first but you would not believe how many hits Warrior gets on the internet. He’s like John Cena and Hornswoggle rolled into one (read previous apology to Vince McMahon article by James for explanation on Hornswoggle). His youtube video of the beginning of his return match was already over 200,000 hits one day later and you can find the same number of hits on his return workout videos. Come on TNA. Just one month. One pay-per-view. Become the next thing to make WWE drop one in their pants. And for those down on Warrior he has made significant progress in a short amount of time. With TNA’s production this dude will look scary if they get around to signing him.
Here we see the entrance and start of Warrior’s return match. Word is Warrior blew out his knee which explains why he hobbles down to the ring. But I guess he decided he was going to go all out anyways. Of course you can’t turn back when you put a countdown on your website. And you can’t walk to the ring when your music shreds like that. And if you’re beating your chest, jumping onto turnbuckles, and shaking the ropes like a madman you can’t finish your entrance without showing off your daughters in their sunshine yellow dresses. AWWWWW.
A total of twenty-eight WWE Superstars changed brands following Monday’s live Draft on Raw and today’s Supplemental Draft on WWE.com. Here is a complete breakdown of all the moves.
JOINING RAW
Rey Mysterio, CM Punk, Michael Cole, Batista, Kane, Jamie Noble, Deuce, Chuck Palumbo, Matt Striker, Layla
JOINING SMACKDOWN
Jeff Hardy, Jim Ross, Umaga, Mr. Kennedy, Triple H, Trevor Murdoch, Big Daddy V, DH Smith, Brian Kendrick, Maria, Shelton Benjamin, Carlito
JOINING ECW
Matt Hardy, Mark Henry, Hornswoggle, Super Crazy, Finlay
LEAVING RAW
Jeff Hardy, Jim Ross, Umaga, Mr. Kennedy, Triple H, Trevor Murdoch, DH Smith, Super Crazy, Brian Kendrick, Maria, Carlito
LEAVING SMACKDOWN
Rey Mysterio, Matt Hardy, Michael Cole, Batista, Mark Henry, Jamie Noble, Deuce, Hornswoggle, Chuck Palumbo, Finlay
LEAVING ECW
CM Punk, Kane, Big Daddy V, Matt Striker, Shelton Benjamin, Layla
For those of you that have been watching RAW in the last few months you know what TNAB meant. So you should figure out what TWIB means if I tell you I’m talking about John Cena. I know what you’re saying. “Why are you talking about John Cena? Don’t you know all his fans wear high heels?” Sure, if you still don’t know what it means then ask your girlfriend. If she doesn’t answer give me a ring and I’ll wake her up. Anyways, what I’m saying is this, Cena hit rock bottom last week when Trips called him uncoordinated and told him all his fans were in bed and Cena did nothing but put Trips over. John Cena needs to go back to his old gimmick. Hell, after this draft, RAW needs Cena to go back to his old gimmick. No more boring promos and patting backs. We need throwbacks and sideways caps. Steel Chains and battle raps. ENOUGH OF THIS CLEAN MARINE BULLCRAP.
Now we have Batista and Kane on RAW. Cena is sure to face these guys and he just can’t do it with this “good sport” routine they’re scripting for him. We need the Doctor of Thuganomics. And this video of Cena rapping about Lesnar (who is Batista-like in many ways) should show even the haters of Cena’s old gimmick that it needs to come back yesterday.
PS. Apparently Vince McMahon died tonight. He was 103. Cocaine was not the cause of death.
For a long time I have argued over and over with people that wrestling really isn’t as bad as they say it is. I was honestly getting tired of people claiming they watch Japanese wrestling on youtube instead of WWE or TNA. And I had reason to be tired of it. WWE was improving. TNA looked like it had promise. In the last few weeks though I have been saying the same things everyone else has - only I have not pretended I stopped watching. So I decided to do a quick run down of the Pros and Cons of sports entertainment in the last month or so to try to remain positive while I bitch about the hours of my life I want back.
WWE
Pros: Santino is still the best thing out there.
Ken Kennedy looks like he might be the guy to crack the main event and give us someone new to watch in a title match on RAW.
John Cena looked like he had some of his old swag back when he handed Mickey James a pair of her panties and downed some Mamajuana.
Evan Bourne (Matt Sydal) has arrived, jumping all over hell and making everyone’s finishers look like about as cool as a scoop slam, and he’s undefeated.
Bryan Danielson has been doing dark matches.
Jericho finally turned heel.
The Draft is next week.
Cons: Santino has been MIA for two weeks now? And he’s funny. He doesn’t need someone like “Jimmy the Kimmel” to help show us he’s funny. In fact besides the time Santino dressed up as Piper, his feud with Cousin Sal was kind of garbage.
Almost the same thing with Ken Kennedy. Of course that should change after Night of Champions when he gets a PPV match.
John Cena went from drinking Mamajuana and banging Mickey to putting HHH over WHILE Trips insults him for only having children as fans and being a shitty wrestler. Seriously, they have neutered Cena. People used to hate him because of the way he acted. Now I, a Cena fan, can’t stand watching because he’s just taking up space. Anyone on the roster could have taken Cena’s place in the last two weeks. We haven’t seen any of his personality during that time.
Nothing wrong with Evan Bourne’s debut. I’m only upset because I don’t know what title he would be going after anytime soon. They need a Cruiserweight Title, European Title, - something for those guys and hopefully more guys like Bourne are on their way.
Bryan Danielson has been doing dark matches.
Jericho has been showing about as much personality as Cena. You could insert anyone on the roster into his place and nobody would notice. We need the guy that called the Iceman “Stinko Malenko” and called Stephanie a “filthy, dirty, disgusting, brutal, bottom feeding trash bag tramp.”
TNA
Pros: AJ dropped the dumbass gimmick.
Angle no longer has the belt.
The X division has the potential to be the most exciting division in wrestling.
The Knockouts just might be the most exciting division in wrestling.
Looking forward to what might happen with the faction starting with the Dudleys and Booker.
Cons: I’m still pissed Angle wears a suit to every show with the money he makes.
The X division is pissing all that potential away every week.
Nothing wrong with the knockouts - they’re like the X division basically - with Brazzers girls. So the good news is if the X division has tits they’ll get ratings. But here’s an idea, instead of replacing the X division with more Knockouts you can write a decent story.
Too much corny stuff. Having one wrestler with the gimmick that he acts like a legend is bad if you’re doing it for more than a month - TNA has two. They also have a superhero. They also have three people playing Rock Band before their matches and hitting people with their Guitar Hero guitars. And I really don’t mind Curry Man but with all the other stuff mentioned he does add to what is already too corny.
So yeah, maybe it does suck. And although it’s still better than watching grainy indie crap on youtube it isn’t that much better lately. Writers, please step your game up.
So in one week, we have the almighty WWE Draft yet again.A lot of my friends don’t like the draft.They bitch about it, and think that the brand extension program needs to end.I thought that’s how I felt until a conversation this weekend, when I realized that I actually look forward to the draft every year.I know, I know.You think I’m insane.Maybe I am.Who knows?But to me, the draft is fun.It isn’t exciting like the NFL Draft, when I find out where my favorite Purdue Boilermaker is going to be playing.However, it is fun to me.It shakes things up, even if it is ever so little.I know going in that Triple H will not be appearing on Tuesday nights on Sci Fi for the next year.I know that Evan Bourne won’t be on Raw in two weeks.I even have a sneaking suspicion that the tag titles will be vacated as Miz and Morrison are separated.But I still love it.I usually have a pretty good feeling for where people would be best used.And, not to be a brown-nosing Smark, but Vince and his team usually do a decent job with such matters.
Last year, the trade I looked forward to the absolute most barely worked out.I was stoked when Chris Benoit was traded to ECW.I knew they would instantly hand him the vacated title.I knew he would then go into a lengthy feud with CM Punk, among others.But I was excited.I was excited that someone might bring some sort of legitimacy to a show that was sorely lacking it.Of course, as we all know, Chris Benoit did not end up with the ECW Title, and he almost ruined the legitimacy of the entire sport (Although, that’s a rant about the media, and I won’t go into that right now).This year’s draft takes place on the anniversary of the Benoit Murder/Suicide.I’m simply hoping it’s not like the Madden Curse…
Does the draft even matter anymore?Every week it seems that more and more stars are crossing from brand to brand, show to show, to feud with one another.CM Punk has been on all three shows at some point in the last few months.Batista and Shawn Michaels visited each other’s respective show to throw down some badly scripted challenges for that “huge match” that they had at Backlash.Every so often, we’re given the “one-night-only” nonsense.The boys in the back seem to be more and more ok with letting talent shuffle back and forth between shows.So is it even necessary to have a draft?
I believe it is still totally necessary.Vince and his crew do the best they can to limit the top spots on each show, but in doing so, they have a very limited talent pool at the very top.With limited main eventers on each show, there are only so many combinations of big matches possible… even if they face each other month after month in crazy specialty matches.Shawn V. Batista is needed (not in the storyline they did, mind you) to give the viewers something a little different than the norm.It adds to that gene pool of creativity and gives us a different match.
ECW is the problem child of the WWE.They brought in even more talent that they had no desire to actually use, simply for name recognition, and screwed it up.Then they turned it into a farm league for the other two shows.The semi-merge of ECW and Smackdown resulted in tag team champions who aren’t even technically on Smackdown.What does it say about Smackdown when ECW guys have their tag titles, while the tag teams on Smackdown have nothing to do?What does it say for ECW when Smackdown guys are feuding over their ECW World Championship?If they’re going to combine them, combine them.If they want to use it as a breeding ground for more talent, than do that.I’m all for guys appearing on different shows, but not taking their titles.Wait.No.Strike that.I don’t even mind them taking the titles, but not for extended periods of time.I like the mix.Again, it adds to the storylines and the talent pool on each show.
“But, James, if you want more talent in the talent pool, why not combine all the shows into one?”Well, sir and or ma’am, I’m glad you asked.You see, I watched wrestling during the supposed reign of a little company called WCW.WCW had two shows, Monday Night Nitro and Wednesday Night Thunder.It was a lot like Raw/Smackdown/ECW in the beginning.Thunder was pretty much the mid to low carders, while Nitro featured the big boys.Then, they slowly attempted to merge into one.They always had people that appeared on both shows, but as time wore on, it became more of a continuation of Monday night rather than its own thing.It would be like if we watched Raw twice a week, rather than once a week.
It was a fucking mess.
The main event picture was overcrowded, but no one wanted to get shut out of it.The title started switching hands constantly, so that everyone could be pleased with the fact that their character was still being pushed.The main eventers started taking up the secondary title, leaving nothing for the midcarders to really feud over.Goldberg, Kevin Nash, Jeff Jarrett, Hulk Hogan, DDP, Booker T, and a million other guys were shoved down our throats constantly.No one wanted to do the job, so matches ended in no decisions.It got so bad they put the gold on Vince Russo and David Arquette, because it literally meant so little to them.Now, I’m not necessarily saying it would be that bad, but remember, Drew Carey was in the Royal Rumble one year.It could.
Even though the talent needs to cross from show to show every now and then right now to keep things fresh, I think that’s a hell of a lot better than every last one of those guys going for the same title at the same time.We’d get sick of the wrestlers faster.No one wants to sit through three HHH 20 minute speeches every week.The top guys are so established that the other top guys, like Orton, Jericho, JBL, and maybe even Cena would have to be demoted to midcarders.The Midcarders would be thrust into crappy tagteams and slowly released.The other jobs would just be terminated, as there’s not enough time for everyone to appear if it’s not mapped out like it is.I guess I see no good that could come of killing the brand extension and allowing such things to happen.We complain we’re bored now.How bored would we be without the extension?Literally, nothing good would come of the deletion of the brand extension.There is nothing that would be instantly fixed, and there is nothing that I can see that makes me think it’s a good idea.It is the appearance of different brands that keep it going.
I think a lot of people forget that the point of the brand extension was to build talent that would not have otherwise gotten a shot.You can’t tell me that CMPunk, MVP, or Elijah Burke would be where they are without the brand extension.People like Jeff Hardy and Randy Orton would not be in the world championship hunt if all of the main eventers were in the same place going for the same belt.MVP would not have had the US Title.CMPunk would NOT have the Money in the Bank Briefcase. Guys like HHH, HBK, Batista, and the Undertaker would be clogging the main event road with their entrances.
I also think that people forget that Vince McMahon is “All about the Mon-Naaaaaaaaaaaay”.The Brand Extension will not end any time soon, because of the cash it brings in.By having two different house show schedules, they bring in double the revenue in ticket and merchandise revenue.
So what does all of this have to do with the draft?Simple.Everything about the Brand Extension is about giving more to the fans and putting more cash in Vinny Mac’s wallet.The draft allows that to keep going.It convinces people that the talent is regulated to where they are.It also allows us to get our “stale” programs changed up in bits and pieces.Vince, as well as the fans, gets to see who works best together, and put their strengths on the show where it is most needed (I said it gives them the chance.I didn’t say he does it).More importantly, it allows for reasons for crossover.Batista and Shawn wouldn’t have faced each other over their storyline if they hadn’t both admired Ric Flair (God, I hate this storyline, but it makes the best sense here).Batista and Shawn had both worked with Ric.It affected Batista, even if he was on the other show.It was a dumb storyline, it provided a back story for the two to be able to cross over and not just give us Shawn Michaels V. HHH for the six thousandth time.
Do I think the draft or the brand extension are perfect?Hell no.But I do think it adds another dimension to the insanity of this supposed sport we all love so much.It keeps a lot of people employed.It keeps a lot of fans seeing their favorites and not getting sick of them nearly as quickly.In essence, the brand extension may have saved a couple careers from burning out too quickly.It’s not wrestlers are barred from appearing on the other shows, so it doesn’t overly mean much, but it could mean big things for the individual wrestlers.A man like Carlito, who seems to hate his job, might be rejuvenated being sent to Smackdown and allowed to compete for the US Title, rather than hanging out with Santino.A man like John Morrison might be relieved of the duty of being tag team champion and be able to make a name for himself on his talent rather than a lame ass gimmick.A man like HHH probably won’t be affected, but what about a man like Jeff Hardy who could be facing Edge for the championship when he’s being held back on Raw?It could make all the difference between champ and almost champ.The lines between the shows may get blurred occasionally, but it’s being done correctly right now.It’s allowing the WWE to make money with brand exclusive shows while bending the rules to make us all a little happier.
So, next week, while all my friends are bitching about how lame the draft is, and how it doesn’t matter, I’ll mark out when they throw me some curve ball. And I’ll be back here the next day with my thoughts on who went where and how I feel about it.
I’m not normally big on linking to other people’s thoughts on wrestling, but I could not agree more with this article, so I had to pass it along for the rest of you.
I thought I’d run through the Judgment Day card much like we did with the Mania card (and should have done with the Backlash card).
So far, there are only five announced matches, but if more become available, I will update this and put the new answers as well.
HHH V. RANDY ORTON - WWE Championship - Steel Cage Match
What should happen: HHH and Orton should be climbing out at the same time and the lights go out. When they come back on, they’re both on the ground, and no one knows who landed. Regal will take full credit for it, prompting a beat down from HHH and McMahon stripping Regal of his GM duties. This would lead to a feud between HHH and Regal.
What will happen: HHH will win and retain, probably using the crippler crossface.
Undertaker V. Edge - World Heavyweight Championship
What should happen: Edge should get the win, but it should not be a clean win.
What will happen: Taker will debut his all new MMA submission hold for the win.
The Miz & John Morrison V. CMPunk and Kane - WWE Tag Team Championships
What should happen: Miz and Morrison should be given actual opponents, building up a real tag team division.
What will happen: CMPunk and Kane will win, and CMPunk will become the number one contender for the ECW title, leading to Jabroni’s favorite storyline - whacky tag team champs who don’t like each other.
JBL V. John Cena
What should happen: Cena should get the win. JBL should go to Smackdown and be a WRESTLING GAAAAHD.
What will happen: JBL will somehow pull this out, and continue his amazing push.
Chris Jericho V. Shawn Michaels - Intercontinental Championship
What should happen: Shawn Michaels should be limping and go for the Sweet Chin Music, proving he’s been lying. Jericho should then be disqualified as he grabs a chair and beats Shawn’s knee into oblivion. Jericho retains and begins a program with Jeff Hardy. Shawn Michaels is given some time off to recover his actual injuries.
What will happen: Apparently, since I have since watched raw, there’s nothing wrong with Shawn’s knee… Proving that there really is, thus it will give out during the match and Shawn will lose.
Mickie James V. Melina V. Beth Phoenix
What should happen: Melina and Beth should keep screwing each other over, until Mickie lucks into the win, pinning Melina.
What will happen: Melina and Beth Phoenix will reveal it was all a crazy plan on their parts to screw over Mickie, but Melina will “accidentally” get the win, pissing off Phoenix.
Other possible matches:
Matt Hardy V. MVP for the US Title
Hardcore Holly & Cody Rhodes V. Carlito and Santino
I was talking to one of my best friends discussing how to “properly” book angles for the WWE. We were discussing the supposed misuse of certain characters, etc. I wondered to myself, “What would I do differently?”
So, as a fan, I started questioning what I would truly like to see happen, MIXED with what would really bring money in to the WWE.
So I started thinking about it, and I realized what I would truly like to see happen.
Let’s just start with Judgment Day.
I would make Edge V. Undertaker end with Umaga interfering and costing Taker the title. This would lead to a non-title feud between Umaga and Taker (of course, this would involve sending Umaga to Smackdown.) I believe these two could put on some decent matches for bigger guys.
Edge would then begin a feud with Matt Hardy, leading to the Night of Champions Pay Per View in a Champion V. Champion match. Vickie would put the US Title on the line, but not the World Championship. At Night of Champions, the Edgeheads would interfere, almost costing Matt the Title, when Jeff would run down and save his brother. Matt would get the clean win over Edge to retain his title.
On Smackdown, Matt would demand that since he pinned the champion, instead, he is given the chance to earn it the following week on Smackdown in a three on two match, between Edge and the Edgeheads V. The Hardy Boys. If the Hardys win, Matt gets his number one contendership. The next week, the match goes down. It ends with Matt being knocked out by Edge and pinned. Jeff makes the save. Jeff tags in and unloads on all of them. Edge grabs a chair and goes after Matt on the outside of the ring, while Jeff takes out both the Edgeheads in the ring, hits the Swanton and gets the pin. Edge is pissed he’s lost the match. Jeff celebrates his win. Matt gets the contendership. He’ll face Edge at the Great American Bash for the title. During that match, Matt almost has the win when the Edgeheads interrupt. Jeff runs down to make the save with a steel chair. He “accidentally” hits Matt. Matt wins by disqualification, but Edge is still champion.
As they reshow it, it seems like Jeff may have hit Matt on purpose. On Smackdown, Matt calls Jeff out and asks him about it. Jeff says that he simply made a mistake, but he adds that Matt wouldn’t have even gotten the number one contendership without JEFF making the pin. Matt shoves Jeff. Jeff shoves him back. The two go face to face. Jeff yells, “What’s your problem? You already got gold!” Vickie comes down and makes a match for the US championship between Matt and Jeff for Summerslam–a ladder match. She also announces there will be a six man elimination match at Summerslam for the right to face Edge for the title. The loser of the US Title Match will be placed in the elimination match. At Summerslam, Jeff wins the US Title and Matt is placed in a match with Batista, The Undertaker, Mark Henry, Fit Finlay, and Kane. The match comes down to Kane and Matt Hardy. Matt goes to the ropes, but Jeff runs down and knocks him off. He hits the Twist of Fate on Matt, who gets counted out. Kane wins the match and goes against Edge. Edge gets disqualified and keeps his title.
At Unforgiven, Kane gets a rematch, which he loses to Edge, thanks to interference by the Edgeheads. Matt and Jeff have a rematch for the United States Title. Matt wins and gets the title back.
On Smackdown, Kane, Matt, and Jeff each claim a right to the number one contendership. Vickie puts them in a three way match to decide who will face Edge at No Mercy. Jeff wins. Matt puts the US Title on the line against Kane. Kane wins it. Jeff loses to Edge when Matt interferes.
This leads to a triple threat match for the World Championship at Survivor Series between Matt, Jeff, and Edge. Matt and Jeff end up taking each other out, and Edge pulls out the win.
This leads to a rematch at Armageddon - Hell In A Cell Style. Edge takes a large bump off the side of the cage and is stretchered out. This leaves a fifteen minute hellacious match between Matt and Jeff. And you know what? By this point, it doesn’t even matter who wins anymore. Personally, I’d stick the title on Matt.
There, that’s one storyline. And it took me less than an hour to write it out and figure out what I’d do with it. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with the current writing. I’m simply saying they need to change it up a little more than they currently do. Right now, it’s all about Raw. ECW is rightly a developmental territory of sorts. But Smackdown is just ignored, and I feel that’s a major crime. With the switch of one man - Jeff Hardy - to Smackdown, they could cash in with this storyline and have something really good that would suck up some main event time for the rest of the year.
Of course, that’s just my opinion. Send me yours if you have one.
I’m really hoping the E doesn’t suspend Santino and take away the best part of RAW. I wonder if he tried to talk the officer out of the ticket. Knowing Santino he probably told a chubby officer to do the “troffle shoffle” and/or stole the officer’s delicious Subway sandwich (or donut). Here’s the story.
“Mike Johnson of the Pro Wrestling Insider is reporting that Santino Marella was arrested at 2:57 AM EDT this morning and charged with Driving Under the Influence.
According to Johnson, he was driving on Westshore Boulevard in Tampa, Florida when he was pulled over. Marella is currently being held in police custody on $500 bond.
We will post more on this developing story as it become available to us.”
Anyone know how WWE is handling this? They need Santino to give Cody Rhodes a push too - Cody has shown in his 6 seconds of dialogue in the last two RAW episodes that he has mic skills for at least 3 seconds at a time. I’m betting a guy that grew up with Goldust has personality and he could be good.
For the last couple of weeks I’ve been exchanging searches for videos of Warrior with guy at work to look up on youtube. This guy is a gold mine. I knew there were crazy promos out there but then I found even stranger stuff like Warrior’s blog (if you have any question as to his sanity read that shiznite). Then after exhausting all searches Warrior surprises us again. He returns to wrestling (NWE). Orlando Jordan provokes Warrior and after Warrior is attacked he starts shaking the ropes. Wild. I couldn’t really get excited though since I obviously have no way to watch NWE. Then Warrior shocks us again. In a recent interview Warrior tells us he wants to wrestle Vince at Wrestlemania 25. Warrior says he wants to “let it out” and instead of being scripted, air out their real opinions of each other. Warrior also calls Batista a bum for jacking his rope-shaking gimmick and said if Warrior was there Batista’s tattoo would jump off his back. Anyways, Warrior has shown me to expect anything now. I’m kind of hoping Vince can shock me now too.
On warriorcentral.net it has been posted that Warrior’s agent let them know a big announcement is coming on Monday, May 25. While I’m guessing it probably has something to do with NWE I’m really hoping this is more towards him facing Vince McMahon at Wrestlemania 25.
Jim Ross wrote this about the proposed match on his blog http://www.jrsbarbq.com/blog/ where you can find out his thoughts on the latest wrestling news and order some chipotle ketchup.
“I read on the vaunted Internet that the Warrior has challenged Mr. McMahon for a bout at WM25 in Houston next year. Certainly a provocative idea, that I seriously doubt would ever come to fruition, but it may be an idea that Dana White might want to explore for aUFC attraction. But as we all saw Monday night, as Monday Night Raw so abruptly went off the air on the USA Network, anything can happen in the WWE. Much like a grotesque car accident, one would have to at least peak at a Mr. McMahon-Warrior encounter.”
So I saw this movie at Walmart for ten bucks and that was worth a look. Then I read the plot on the back of the box. A group of amateur porn professionals get stranded in a ghost town rumored to be inhabited by the legendary El Mascarado. The legend tell us that El Mascarado was created from 3 or 4 of the best wrestlers in Mexico in preparation for the 68 Olympics in which the Mexican president wanted to defeat the Soviets. Instead of winning the Olympics, El Mascarado went nuts and started killing people, ripping their faces off after defeat. So the kids get there and they start showing up dead when one of them finds out what they have to do. Yeah, like other horror movies where one of them is a werewolf or vampire expert this group has a Lucha Libre expert - a mexican kid from Seattle. So instead of a silver bullet or stake through the heart, he lets them now they have to remove his mask to defeat him saying “We’ll retire this son of a bitch tonight!” So I was expecting an awesome movie. But I was a little pissed. But not because it was a bad horror movie - I’m not really a horror fan. I was mad as a wrestling fan and to explain why I’ll be writing spoilers.
***Spoilers***
Yeah, so the fat mexican kid from Seattle knows he has to remove the guys mask to defeat him. I thought that was awesome. And earlier in the movie we see this kid has an El Tigre mask he carries around in his pants pocket as I’m sure all chicanos do. So when El Mascarado (played by Rey Mysterio) tracks down the mexican to a dusty, crude wrestling ring made with rope and metal barrels, I was happy as hell to see him pull out the El Tigre mask. What made me even more excited was the folding chairs in the room and random crap like boards and pipes. The problem was the fat kid didn’t use ANY of that stuff. He didn’t even use the barrels. To make things worse El Mascarado didn’t really do any good wrestling either. Just threw the chubby guy around and started stomping on him before he finally climbed a barrel to do a weak frog splash if you can call it that. And El mascarado’s lack of a moveset was another thing that upset me. El Mascarado was supposed to be made using the best wrestlers in Mexico. Well if anyone knows about the history of lucha libre you know that the good wrestlers actually use exciting wrestling moves. The people that don’t do shit but clothelines, leg drops, and use dirty tactics are heels south of the border (it makes sense to me too). Yet this legendary wrestler made the Great Khali look like Ultimo Dragon. So yeah, to make a long story short there wasn’t one chair shot and the legendary wrestler had the same skills I think Bill Murray would have. At the end we see him using the porn van to drive somewhere else so it’s open for a sequel. I hope in the sequel I can see at least one lethal hurricanrana and a worthy adversary that won’t try attacking El Mascarado’s strengths. This movie could be awesome. Actually it was awesome (you wouldn’t know with all that whining right?) but with these improvements it could go above Touch of Evil and One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest on my list of all time greats.
While most people I know are pretty upset at Regal winning the tournament I loved it. The only thing I was disappointed with was the lack of brass knucks. Now if you have read stuff I’ve wrote on here earlier you know I think Santino is one of the best things RAW has going (you see him tell Cody Rhodes that Holly was his boyfried on RAW?). And I have made the comment before that I want to see Regal and Tajiri face Santino and Carlito to see who the best international tag team is. Well after reports that Tajiri was at the WWE shows in England I’m really hoping this is a possibility. Think about it - Carlito starts chewing on his apple in front of King Regal and Tajiri and *PFFFFFFFFT* Tajiri beats him to it with the poison mist! This needs to happen (I know I already said that in the last post but whatever, I’m in a hopeful mood). You know what? I made this post about Regal have more to do with Tajiri. Now here’s a video that made me tear up like a girl with a skinned knee.
