1.Cena will FINALLY turn heel.It will be a major disappointment to us all.Mr. T. will start managing John Cena.Cena will change the name of the STF to the IPTF – I Pity The Fool.
2.Vince McMahon will reveal that, as a second generation superstar himself, he’s been running Legacy all along.Orton faked kicking him in the head, which we can CLEARLY see from the video, in order to fire up Shane and Stephanie to get them to care a little more about what it means to be third generation superstars.
3.It will be revealed that Chris Jericho actually IS a legend in his own right and he will experience a subsequent mental breakdown, as he comes to grips with the fact that he’s no longer the new kid on the block, but has, in fact, been wrestling just as long as some of the so called legends he’s been trying to put down.
4. Christian will make his long awaited return to the WWE.
5.It will be revealed that Christian secretly returned to WWE at some point before Wrestlemania.
6.In a stunning move, Tommy Dreamer will actually get his storyline back leading to him getting a shot to get the ECW title or possibly retire.In the final seconds of the match, Paul Heyman will return, costing Tommy his shot at the title.Paul E will then destroy the fake ECW title of the fake ECW and issue a challenge for the return of the REAL ECW.The storyline will be dropped two weeks later and will never be mentioned on television again.That is the last we will see of Tommy Dreamer.
7. Santino Marella will attempt to become Women’s Champion.When he fails, he will go to Smackdown and compete for the Diva’s Championship.Whether he wins or not, he will be fired and make his way to TNA, where he will also be ignored.
8.Jack Thwagger will be drafted to THmackdown where he will come up againtht a returning Mr. Kennedy.Kennedy will make fun of Thwagger’th ridiculouth uthe of the name “The All-American American.”Kennedy will thay, “You’re jutht repeating yourthelf, there thon.”Thwagger will point out that Kennedy doeth the thame.Kennedy will take offenthe to thith thtatement and the thhit will hit the fan.They will blow off their feud in a betht two out of three match, proving you have to do everything twice for it to really theem important.
9.This year’s draft will include a fourth drafting spot – The Unemployment Line.We will still get to see wrestler’s reactions live.
10.Matt Hardy will reveal that not only did he attack Jeff on a stairwell, burn his house to the ground, kill Jeff’s dog, and do drugs for weeks before pissing in Jeff’s piss test cup and getting him suspended before Wrestlemania XXIV, but he also humped Jeff’s first girlfriend, let all the air out of his bike tire when Jeff was 11, poked needles through Jeff’s condoms in high school, put saran wrap on Jeff’s toilet on April Fool’s Day, put shaving cream on Jeff’s hand and tickled his face while he was sleeping and he was the one blew up that picture of Jeff in the bathtub when he was three and hung it all over their high school.Matt will also reveal that their dead mother loved Matt more than Jeff and that Jeff was an “oops” baby.
Latht Tuethday thaw the return of Captain Charithma!Gone from wrethtling for the patht three yearth, doing who knowth what, probably thitting at home watching the kidth or thomething, Chrithtian thurprithed the hell out of me with hith long awaited return.The look on Jack Thwagger’th fathe wath thuper.Jack can act with the betht of them and until latht Tuethday, I wath glad to thee the title around hith thhoulder.But now, I’m jutht picturing Chrithtian hitting the Unprettier on The All American American and becoming ECW champion.I can’t think of a better way for Chrithtian to return to hith old thtomping groundth.What a great thtoryline.After the No Way Out match between Finley and Thwagger, I wath really expecting a Charithmatic promo… but I didn’t get one.But it wath ok, becauthe thith week on ECW, Chrithtian wath back with help from Finley and Hornthwoggle.I wath glad that Chrithtian reminded Hornthwoggle not to dithtract them, becauthe that little bathtard theemth to cauthe a lot of problemth, but more tho, I wath jutht glad to thee Chrithtian on the mic again.Hith mic thkillth are top notch in ECW and make the thhow for me.I can’t wait to thee where thith angle ith going, but I’m really glad he’th on ECW inthtead of being involved in that brouhaha that Matt and Jeff are going through.
All set to buy No Way Out and like an idiot I make a post about how you should just have Christian return already and I find out you already had him return. But I don’t feel dumb at all. Why? Because you brought him back on Tuesday. You guys don’t have a show on Tuesday that I know about. People are calling it ECW.
I tell them ” That’s silly. ECW was just a federation that WWE absorbed. What is the name of the show?”
“ECW” they say.
And I call bullshit and ask what the hell happened then and they say he shit on the ECW champ Jack Swagger. So I say “oh you mean the guy that only appears on pay-per-views.” Then they called me an asshole.
Is this a joke guys? I’m almost starting to think this is a real show but I’m not going to set aside time on Tuesday night to find out I’m being screwed with. Ah well. Maybe I’ll see Christian at No Way Out since it will be the one time this month Jack Swagger is on television.
I ordered a pizza with extra peeparooni the night of the Royal Rumble and that shit STILL hasn’t been delivered. In case you lost what you needed to make No Way Out relevant for us peeps here is something for the titantron. Just give me a call if you need help saving it to your compy. I can send you a program where you can save it as an FLV or something like that and have this thing ready for the next PPV.
And if you need me to pitch in on pyro just let me know. I promise I will act surprised when you deliver.
Jack Swagger vs Matt Hardy (for the ECW Championship)
Beth Phoenix vs Melina (the WWE Woman’s Championship)
Jeff Hardy vs Edge (for the WWE Championship)
John Cena vs JBL w/ Shawn Michaels (for the World Heavyweight Championship)
Predictions:
Jack Swagger vs Matt Hardy
Matt Hardy wins his title back. I am having a hard time caring about this match. Honestly I don’t care who wins out of these two. Matt being ECW champ is just not exciting. His brother had the world title a bit ago. ECW title? Nice to see on a good midcard wrestler or up and comer, unless his name is Jack Swagger. Please give this guy a gimmick or a good script. I can’t handle any more Kool-Aid smiles without a storyline. Give him a manager or something. Anyways, I’m going to be getting my food ready during this match. Finishing up some party mix, maybe throwing in some tater tot casserole, might make some white chili dip – I don’t know, might make more since the next match is…
Beth Phoenix vs Melina
Now I’m not going to shit on these two. I think both of these women are top notch as far as the divas go. The problem is that with some of the talentless women this strap has been given to I really have a hard time giving a shit about this match. To be honest that is mostly about Victoria retiring. I can not believe the E wasted her talent. Best of luck to Victoria, although it seems she is set for the future and doesn’t need it. On second thought, screw what I said earlier, like both of these women and glad they are in a title match, things have been worse in the past (still hoping Victoria’s retirement is a work and runs in and wrecks shop on these girls).
Jeff Hardy vs Edge
Now things get complicated. I honestly don’t know who to pick here. I also don’t know who I want to win. This has the potential to be a great match. Both superstars are going to bring it and depending on the rumble I really don’t know what is going to happen. Undertaker’s edict almost has me thinking he will be in Wrestlemania’s main event again. If that happens I don’t see him wrestling Edge again. Then again if Jeff wins I could see Trips winning the rumble with Jeff as champ and Trips as the challenger in a reversal of fortune, with Jeff taunting Trips the next couple of months. Jeff as a heel? Trips putting away that stupid ass sledgehammer? Might be nice. And what if Christian shows up to interfere in this match? Does Hardy lose? Does Christian surprise us and cost Edge the victory starting an excellent non-title feud going into Wrestlemania? I really don’t know who to pick. My head hurts.
John Cena vs JBL w/ Shawn Michaels
No way John Cena loses this. As this might be the last match before the rumble I think we see a resolution to the whole HBK butler storyline. HBK sabotages JBL and becomes an entrant in the rumble! Mr. Wrestlemanina is going to – hopefully keep JBL out of Wrestlemania! Seriously if Cena loses this match, the butler shit continues, and JBL ends up in the Wrestlemania main event I swear to you that Vince Mcmahon’s limo is going to blow up for real.
The Royal Rumble
7 entrants have not been named yet. Wrestlers almost certainly going to be there that aren’t named are Mr. Kennedy, MVP, and I will go out on a limb and say HBK. Other wrestlers that may be in are Mike Knox (going to come in and eliminate Rey Mysterio just to be a dick) and Tommy Dreamer (wants that ECW championship). That leaves two wrestlers. I predict one will be Stone Cold Steve Haastin – Haas dressed as the mas that has one the most rumbles in history. =( And seriously, the other wrestler just might be Christian. On a realistic note Umaga will be in his place.
Now who is going to win the rumble? What is my top five list? Half realistic, and half markistic, I think the top five possibilities are Mr. Kennedy, MVP, Undertaker, HBK, Triple H, and Randy Orton.Shit, that’s six picks, but honestly that is okay with me. I would not want to be certain. Uncertainty is the reason I love the rumble. The realist in me says it will be Undertaker or Trips. The mark in me says it will be HBK (you know he’ll put everything into that match), MVP (loving the movement, great face turn in the making), or wait for it, wait for it, MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISTEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR KENNEDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WWE United States Championship Match (Preview Match)
- Shelton Benjamin vs. Fans Chose Opponent
R Truth won the vote. It was a dark match. Sounds like a terrible joke, I know. Shelton retained.
- Rey Mysterio vs. Kane
No Holds Barred Match got the vote. Mysterio won. I hope this is the end of this feud because none of it, including this ending, made any sense.
ECW Championship match
- Matt Hardy (c) vs. Fans Choose Opponent
Fans voted for Evan Bourne. Face vs Face. And they pissed me off by having Bourne lose cleanly.
Pick The Tag Team Match
Fans chose John Morrison & The Miz vs. Cryme Tyme. Cryme Tyme put on an amazing match, perhaps the best workers tonight (Evan Bourne is always hard to beat but I give it to em), they lost.
Intercontinental Championship Match
- Santino Marella (c) vs. A WWE Legend
Fans Picked Honky Tonk Man.
It was really Honky. Haas was nowhere in sight. Goldust was really there too. And of course Rodney the Piper was – that was no surprise. The surprise was that Honky was really there, he won the vote, and he really wrestled. Beth cost Santino the match when she interfered and gave Honky the win by DQ. Of course Santino still retained and next week has only one year to go. After the match Santino screamed at Beth but was interrupted when Goldust and Piper came down to help Honky Tonk Man beat down Santino. This whole thing was actually a very nice surprise.
- Divas Halloween Costume Contest
MIckie James won as Tomb Raider. There was never a doubt. My vote actually should have gone to Victoria. She dressed in a baggy banana costume in what might have been a protest to this cheesecake shit. She also sang peanut butter jelly time. Trust me, it was awesome. Honorable mentions from me would be Maria jumping up and down in her bunny costume and Maryse in her French Maid outfit.
- Undertaker vs. Big Show
Fans voted for Last Man Standing. Of course Undertaker kept getting up. AND EVEN THOUGH IT WAS LAST MAN STANDING, TAKER STILL DID A SUBMISSION, HE USED A GOGO PLATA TO CHOKE OUT BIG SHOW AND WIN!!! YES, I AM FUCKING RAGING!!!
WWE Championship Match
- Triple H (c) vs. Fans Chose Opponent
Fans chose Jeff Hardy. Hardy hit at least three finishers and couldn’t do it. Triple H hit that weakass finisher he has ONCE and won cleanly.
World Heavyweight Championship Match
- Chris Jericho (c) vs. Batista
Fans Pick The Referee
Some assholes voted for Orton. But it was Stone Cold Steve Austin in a landslide baby!!! Ending of the match was actually pretty great. Stone Cold was knocked out of the ring and shortly after Jericho cleanly landed a Code Breaker on Batista. With nobody to count, HBK ran in and counted as slowly as he could until Batista kicked out. Jericho threatened HBK and after HBK teased Sweet Chin Music, Batista hit a Batista Bomb. Orton ran in as ref to make sure that didn’t end the match and allowed Jericho to hit Batista with the belt. Even with Orton counting (I guess he can’t count to three fast, big surprise) Batista kicked out. Stone Cold returned to the ring and hit Orton with a Stone Cold Stunner. Batista hit his finisher again and won cleanly. And Stone Cold shared a beer with the new champion. Please tell me this means Cena comes back for Batista as a heel. =)
WWE Championship Match
- Triple H (c) vs. Fans Chose Opponent
Text JEFF to 44993 for Jeff Hardy
Text KOZLOV to 44993 for Vladimir Kozlov
Text TRIPLE to 44993 for a Triple Threat Match featuring Triple H vs. Jeff Hardy vs. Vladimir Kozlov
Fans will choose Jeff Hardy. Kozlov will still be involved and ruin Jeff’s chances. He’ll be seconds away from the belt again.
Intercontinental Championship Match
- Santino Marella (c) vs. A WWE Legend
Fans Pick The WWE Legend
Text PIPER to 44993 for “Rowdy” Roddy Pipper
Text GOLDUST to 44993 for Goldust
Text HONKY to 44993 for Honky Tonk Man
Fans will choose Goldust. At least I do. Piper will actually wrestle. I don’t see anyone else doing it. James the Sabata seems to think the Haasy Tonk Man will be wrestling.
World Heavyweight Championship Match
- Chris Jericho (c) vs. Batista
Fans Pick The Referee
Text ORTON to 44993 for Rand Orton
Text AUSTIN to 44993 for “Stone Cold” Steve Austin
Text HBK to 44993 for Shawn Michaels
You know some assholes voted for Orton. Stone Cold is going to be guest ref though. Really don’t understand how he’ll be used though. Don’t see him helping the heel and don’t see Batista getting the belt at Cyber Sunday. Jericho will squeak through somehow.
- Undertaker vs. Big Show
Vote online: Knockout Match
Vote online: I Quit Match
Vote online: Last Man Standing Match
I’ll bet fans vote for Last Man Standing. We will see Undertaker sit up like someone put his hand in warm water around 3 or 4 times and he’ll put big show down with a sad looking chokeslam or something. I really hope so anyways, I DO NOT WANT AN “I QUIT MATCH” WHERE TAKER WINS BY SUBMISSION.
- Rey Mysterio vs. Kane
The fans will be able to vote for the stipulation of the match. Here are the choices:
Text A to 44993 for Falls Count Anywhere Match
Text B to 44993 for No Holds Barred Match
Text C to 44993 for Best 2-out-of-3 Falls Match
No Holds Barred Match (I cheated, it already started) I really don’t understand this feud. I’m guessing Kane will win in some horrible beat-down and we’ll actually have a reason for a feud.
-
Divas Halloween Costume Contest
The fans will be able to log on to the official WWE website during the PPV to determine the winner.
……….
ECW Championship match
- Matt Hardy (c) vs. Fans Choose Opponent
Text HENRY to 44993 for Mark Henry
Text EVAN to 44993 for Evan Bourne
Text FINLAY to 44993 for Finlay
Fans vote for Evan Bourne. Face vs Face. And they’re going to piss me off by having Bourne lose cleanly and Hardy shaking his hand after he kicks his ass.
Pick The Tag Team Match
Fans Choose The Match
To vote for World Tag Team Champions Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase vs. CM Punk & Kofi Kingston, TEXT 1 to 44993
To vote for John Morrison & The Miz vs. Cryme Tyme, TEXT 2 to 44993
To vote for Jamie Noble & Mickie James vs. William Regal & Layla, TEXT 3 to 44993
John Morrison & The Miz vs. Cryme Tyme should get the vote. Even though WWE doesn’t even seem to care about tag teams , again, I do not see the belts changing hands. But someone has to lose tonight. Screw it, I’ll pick Cryme Tyme. Oh snap, I just realized the two best tag teams don’t have belts.
WWE United States Championship Match (Preview Match)
- Shelton Benjamin vs. Fans Chose Opponent
Fans can vote for the following opponents on the official WWE website:
R-Truth
MVP
Festus
Fans choose MVP. Conspiracy brothers everywhere upset with WWE rejoice. I really like Shelton as US champ but MVP is supposed to get a push. I don’t see that happening if he loses this match. It wouldn’t make sense. Here’s hoping it does make sense. MVP wins as both take turns cheating and the slickest guy wins.
As of Monday, October 27, Santino The Marella has been Intercontinental champion for seventy-one days.That means that he is currently a longer reigning champion than all of the following: (Multiple times are in parenthesis).
Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat, The British Bulldog, Edge (5), Jeff Jarrett (6), Chyna (3), William Regal, Umaga(2), Val Venis (2), Ahmed Johnson, Christian (3), The Godfather, Kofi Kingston, Rob Van Dam (6), Chris Benoit(4), Chris Jericho(6), Shelton Benjamin (2), Triple H (4), Kane (2), Steve Austin (2), Eddie Guerrero, Owen Hart, Kurt Angle, Jeff Hardy (2), Booker T, Marc Mero, D’Lo Brown, Albert, Lance Storm, Marty Jannetty, Billy Gunn, Road Dogg, Goldust (2), Test, Johnny Nitro, Razor Ramon, and The Mountie.
In the coming week, Santino stands to pass the following champions: Chris Jericho (Tuesday) and Rocky Maivia (Friday).
Next Monday night, November 3, if Santino Marella is still champion, he will pass the greatest Intercontinental Champion ever —- HIMSELF.
Well, since we apparently only update like The Undertaker wrestles — Once a Month — I thought it was time I throw out my predictions for the ppv that takes place in three little hours – NO MERCY.
I’m not going to do the What will happen, what should… blah blah blah. No, this time, it’s just my picks and why, because damn it, I have a paper due tomorrow.
Here we go:
BIG SHOW V. THE VACATION-TAKER… I mean, UNDERTAKER
Big show has to go over in this match. Taker’s knees are messed up. On top of that, it simply doesn’t make sense for Big Show not to go over after the build up of this feud. This will not be the last time these two face each other. I’m really hoping Edge does not return during this match, but it certainly would not surprise me. I just think that whole angle is played out and should be done with. Still, I could easily see both Chavo and Edge getting involved in this one, leading to their big feud. We’ll see.
MY PICK: BIG SHOW
ECW CHAMPIONSHIP: MARK HENRY V. MATT HARDY
I believe that Matt Hardy needs to keep the title here in order for him to truly solidify himself as the holder of this meaningless title. I really wish he hadn’t won it to begin with, as I believe Henry should have continued to be pushed as a massive heel monster until Hardy was finally able to brind him down. Still, it didn’t happen, so Matt should NOT drop the title here. Otherwise, his reign was a fluke, and I shouldn’t have to buy him as a champion at all.
MY PICK: MATT HARDY
WOMEN’S CHAMPIONSHIP: BETH PHOENIX V. CANDICE MICHELLE
Beth has to win this. Candice’s in ring work has been horrible since her return. Beth needs the title to keep Glammerella looking as good as the do. No contest. Beth wins in convincing style.
MY PICK: BETH PHOENIX
JBL V. BATISTA – NUMBER ONE CONTENDER’S MATCH
Since, as you will soon read, I believe Chris Jericho is going over tonight, that means a face has to win this match. Although, technically, since the match between the winners will be at Cyber Sunday, it’s not completely unreasonable to think Vince might pulla fast one on us… Still, Batista wins this one. I have literally no interest in this match or it’s “buildup,” but I hope they prove me wrong and put on a match I enjoy. That being said:
MY PICK: BATISTA
WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP – CHRIS JERICHO V. SHAWN MICHAELS
I am apparently the only person online who is not a fan of this storyline. I hate it. I think it’s a waste. I think Jericho should be facing CM Punk, but that’s just me. That being said, I see Cade coming out to take out Shawn, Jericho gets the win. Still, this match should be down right awesome. The last ladder match I loved involved Jericho pinning “his opponent” under the ladder. I want to see some creativity like that tonight. This is the match I’m most looking forward to, even though I don’t see how Michaels can possibly come out with the win, unless they use it to turn Batista heel, but I just don’t see that happening yet.
MY PICK: CHRIS JERICHO
WWE CHAMPIONSHIP – JEFF HARDY V. HHH
There is no way HHH is leaving without his title tonight. Still, i think Jeff gets the win here. What I mean by that is that Jeff is going to be within seconds (YET AGAIN) of his title reign when Vladimir Koslov will cost him the title. Jeff gets the win, but no title.
MY PICK: JEFF HARDY
Finally:
MASK V. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING MATCH – REY MYSTERIO V. KANE
Kane is winning this. There is no point to the stipulation if he doesn’t. But it’s HOW he’s winning that will make this all worth while. Kane is going to be killing Rey. Just beating the fuck out of him, to the point that Rey’s good friend Evan Bourne will not be able to help but get involved. Evan will attack Kane, giving Kane the win by DQ. This will force Rey to unmask. Rey will then go ballistic, and attack Evan Bourne, leading to the first feud I’ve cared about being Cruiserweights in a really long time.
MY PICK: KANE
There you have it, boys and girls. My picks. Feel free to post yours. I’d love to hear them.
THE DIVAS CHAMPIONSHIP – MARYSE V. MICHELLE MCCOOL
Build Up:Vince McMahon thinks we want to see hot blondes roll around together, but misunderstands the concept of a porn video and thinks we want to see it in the ring over a worthless title people usually forget is even there.
What Should Happen:Vince should pull his head out of his ass.If you’re going to put a women’s title on the line, put the real one on the line and let Mickie get a shot at Beth’s title.
What Will Happen:McCool will win it.No one will care.
WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP – CRYME TYME V.CODY RHODES/TED DIABIASE
Build Up:After an eternity of being kept off of pay per views, Cryme Tyme finally gets their shot at the titles.They stole the titles, which plays into their characters and seems like something they should have done long ago, but the writers only recently got it.Then, Generation Next got the titles back.
What Should Happen:Vince should hire more tag teams and make me care that there’s a tag division.They have TWO tag teams, and only one has a name.Why are they not “Generation Next” or “The Juniors” or “Priceless” or “Do You Know Who My Daddy Is?” or something by now?In a perfect world, Cryme Tyme loses.This feud seems worthless to me if Cryme Tyme gains the belts right away.
What Will Happen:The Priceless Generation will retain their titles with their finisher… Oh, wait, they don’t have one.Cryme Tyme will get more shots.Orton will eventually join to take over as their mouth piece…They will continue to look for a mouth piece.
UNSANCTIONED MATCH – JERICHO V. SHAWN MICHAELS
Build Up:Craziness.Everything from Shawn supposedly faking an injury in his match with Batista to being put through the Jerichotron and supposedly injuring his eye, to a thousand more supposed injuries to punching Rebecca in the face to Shawn retiring, to Jericho calling him out yet again, to Shawn REALLY getting injured.
What Should Happen:Jericho should win cleanly, proving he’s better than Shawn Michaels.This would lead to a massive heel push for Jericho, who would get the belt and entice Shawn to come back for “one last run with the belt.”At Mania, we would have a Shawn’s Career V. Jericho’s Title match, with Shawn losing at Wrestlemania and retiring.
What Will Happen:Jericho will lose, but go ballistic on Shawn, “injuring” Shawn’s arm.Jericho will be pushed, but it won’t be interesting.Shawn will be around forever…
ECW CHAMPIONSHIP – SCRAMBLE
Build Up:Everyone else had a scramble.Why not?
What Should Happen:Matt Hardy should come in first.Mark Henry should come in last.They should pin others with five seconds left and both get a pinfall at the end, resulting in no ECW Champion.
What Will Happen:Matt Hardy will come in first.Mark Henry will come in last.No one else will matter.Mark Henry will retain.
WWE CHAMPIONSHIP – SCRAMBLE
Buildup:Raw had a scramble.Why not?
What Should Happen:This is the title that should change hands.This is the perfect opportunity for Jeff Hardy or MVP to step up and become champion.That would solidify either of these two.However, MVP pissed some people off backstage, so I don’t see him coming out with it.Still, one of these titles needs to change hands, so why not this one?I think it’s the most likely to change, and the most believable.
What Will Happen:HHH retains.Vickie hands him to the Taker.Taker loses when Edge returns and costs him the title shot.
WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP – SCRAMBLE
Buildup:This buildup has been great… other than Mysterio being thrown in at the last second.But what are you going to do?This is one of the longest buildups of a bunch of guys feuding for the title that I’ve seen in a long time.I love it.
What Should Happen:Punk should retain at the very end.Jericho should become his new heel opponent.
What Will Happen:Batista will walk out as champion and get the heel run that Cena should have had.So sad.
Well, like it or not, in four hours, WWE will start proving me wrong.I can’t say I’m overly excited, but I’ll be watching.Check back for my thoughts on the actual show.
So last week, Kane revealed what’s in the bag… Mysterio’s mask.One of his two hundred masks, so it’s not even special.So what does this say?What should happen now?Why in the hell does Kane have Mysterio’s mask?
You know what I would do?This would get me fired and make all of you hate me, but sometimes, that needs to happen in the world of wrestling.Writers need to be fired.
I would make Kane start wearing the mask.He would cut promos solely in Spanish.He would come out to Mysterio’s entrance, but with MORE pyro, because he’s Kane.This would lead to Kane revealing that he never had to wear his own mask.He did so because he was a big ECW fan and saw Mysterio and wanted nothing more than to be a luchador.He wanted to BE Rey Mysterio.Mysterio would come out and say he wanted to be a monster like Kane, but he was never able to be.Mysterio would teach Kane the value of being yourself.Kane would become irate and go to destroy Mysterio, but insist on using luchamoves instead of his own moveset.Kane would tell Mysterio that he will not be able to be happy until Mysterio removes his mask.They would have a mask versus mask match, with a stipulation that the winner can only prevail by using the other person’s finishing maneuver.Kane would be attempt the 619, but he would miss the Drop the Dime.Mysterio would go ballistic and beat Kane down, grab a ladder and set it up, and then hit the chokeslam for the win.Kane would be demasked and we would never speak of any of this again.
It sucks, because you’re smiling.
You know as well as I do that this scenario is WAY better than wherever the hell they’re really going with this. Freddie Prinz, Jr. of Scooby Doo fame is now writing… Odds are, they’ll take off the mask, and find another mask… Or maybe, they’ll find that old Dentist that runs the Amusement Park down the road…
Welcome to my debut as a columnist on WrestlingWithWords.I thought I would treat it like a wrestler’s debut and show up the first day after a main PPV, in this case, SummerSlam, and what better way than to recap what went down last night?
I was torn going into it.I mean, I was somewhat excited at the return of the Undertaker, the four title matches, and, of course, the fact that Edge was going to be in a Hell In A Cell.I was not really sold on Batista V. Cena, but I was interested to see what they would do with it.Overall, I wasn’t exactly disappointed, but I can’t say I was overly pleased with the show either.Let’s break it down:
JEFF HARDY V. MVP
This is exactly how a curtain jerker should roll.It was full of continuous action.I loved MVPs crossface adaption.This match featured the run in by Shelton Benjamin, but it was well placed, didn’t distract from the match, and really added to the contest.WCW could have learned a lot from a run in like this.Hardy was able to hit another high risk spot, allowing MVP to get the win.Everyone involved came off looking a lot stronger than they did going in, and it wasn’t regulated to a dark match, so everyone wins.This match totally got the crowd involved, and Indianapolis was rocking.Seriously, this is EXACTLY how a curtain jerker should be.
MICKIE JAMES/KOFI KINGSTON V. SANTINO/BETH PHOENIX
I didn’t like how this ended.Costing Kofi Kingston the IC Title when the men were not even involved in the finale is a big mistake and cheapens the IC Title.If that’s how this was going to go, it should have been the girls against each other with the men at ringside, or it should have been that the title changed only if that champion was pinned, and only that title changed hands.Beth deserves to be champ.Mickie hasn’t done anything with it.While I don’t think Kofi deserves the IC Title, I do think it was too soon to take it off of him.The best part of the match was the celebration at the end, when Santino was riding Beth’s shoulders.All in all, I would say this match was disappointing given the many directions it could have gone instead of what they did.
MARK HENRY V. MATT HARDY
What the hell was the point of this match?I really detest it when WWE spends PPV time promoting TV matches, and that’s exactly what this was.I would not be surprised if there’s a rematch at ECW and this happens again.This will be a build up to a tag match between the Hardys and Henry/Atlas, to keep promoting this feud.Could this be like Hardy’s US Title feud with MVP?This could just keep going.
SHAWN MICHAELS’ BIG ANNOUNCEMENT
Jericho finally returned to form with some of the best heel mic work I’ve seen in ages (not counting the almighty Edge).He hasn’t exactly been accepted as a heel since his return, but last night solidified his return in a huge way.I’m hoping Jericho claims that Michaels was dodging the punch and “forced” him to hit Rebecca.This whole piece delivered so much better than I was expecting it to.I could see Rebecca becoming the new Karen Angle.This should be exciting.
CM PUNK V. JBL
This match was a lot better than I expected.I was actually amazed at how well the two of them worked together.Punk became a legitimate champion last night by CLEANING beating JBL.He did not squeak by as James predicted.He dominated the end of the match in a way that he should.JBL came through on a level of showmanship that I was not expecting as well.This match was a delightful surprise compared to what I thought I was going to be putting up with.
TRIPLE H V. THE GREAT KHALI
The internet was all abuzz about how Triple H would make Khali look good.This match, however, was HORRIBLE.Not only was it clear that Khali still can’t wrestle, he managed to make Triple H look bad.The harder HHH worked, the worse he came off.The Pedigree at the end was horrific.The crowd was pissed.I wanted to call my satellite company and demand a refund.Your championship match of one of the top brands should NEVER draw “You Can’t Wrestle” chants from the crowd.And they were not quiet chants.They reminded me of the good old days of ECDub.They were deafening.I hope Vince was able to hear them.I’m sure Hunter was.This was the worst match I have seen in months.
BATISTA V. JOHN CENA
I’m amazed that John Cena lost cleanly.I really expected some sort of disqualification or no contest.At the very least, I expected one of these guys to pull a heel turn.This match should not have been given to us with so little buildup, but it definitely gave us some solid wrestling on the card.This match was amazing.If you missed it, you really missed out.The end was solid and made sense.Even though Batista went over, John Cena was not buried by any means.This feud should be long, drawn out, and amazing.These two are going to be giving us some solid matches for the next six months or so.It is definitely time for Cena to turn heel.The crowd was solidly behind Batista and solidly anti-Cena.Now is the time for the most gorgeous man in wrestling to pull out a chain and knock Batista’s face off.
EDGE V. THE UNDERTAKER – HELL IN A CELL
HHH V. Khali was the worst match I’ve seen in months and Edge V. The Undertaker was the best match I’ve seen in at least a year.OMG.I don’t even know how else to describe this match.This match is the reason I will be purchasing the DVD when it comes out.This was no wrestling match.It was a straight out brawl.And it was perfect from bell to bell.The spot fest that ensued was amazing.Crashing through the cage was great.Then the spear that Edge hit on Taker through the announce table made me literally jump up and cheer.The best spot of the match though, was the chokeslam from the top rope through two tables on the outside of the ring.The finale with the tombstone was perfect.I was so glad that it wasn’t the damned MMA move that Taker used to use.He may have been “reinstated” but hopefully the move has not. Like I said, it was great bell to bell.Taker should have just left, but instead, he returned to the ring and “chokeslammed” Edge from the top of two ladders through the ring.As if that wasn’t bad enough, they had to go overboard and the spot where Edge went through the ring burst into flames.I know he was “going down to hell,” but this was ridiculous and really spoiled an otherwise spectacular match.This match did not hurt Edge (well, maybe physically, but still), and it let Taker return strongly after being screwed in his last Cell match.Edge proved last night that he truly is “the best thing in wrestling,” as James is so fond of saying.He may have lost, but he came off looking more impressive than Taker did, in my opinion.Going just bell to bell though, I would say this is a solid MOTY candidate.That might just be me.
FOOD FOR THOUGHT:
I think overall, this pay per view was ok.It was like a yo-yo.It was either really great (the main event) or really terrible (Khali, I’m looking at you!).The two titles that did change hands were ok, but not great.CM Punk looked solid and I can take him seriously now.Trips… well, we all knew he was leaving as Champ, and it was bad for what it was, but at least it’s over.Batista/Cena was good, but not as good as I expected.I hope they get pulled apart and have that build up now.They can keep bumping into each other, but I hope this feud is allowed to simmer for a while. And, of course, the main event was spectacular, but the ending was unnecessary.Maybe I won’t feel that way after I see where it’s going.I guess it’s something to think about.
After another extended hiatus, I am back. This time with a look at SummerSlam, which is only four hours away. Enjoy. And I’ll be back on a more regular basis again now.
Here we go:
Shawn’s Big Announcement
BUILDUP: Pretty decent. I just wish it were a match instead.
WHAT SHOULD HAPPEN: Shawn should come out and say his doctor won’t let wrestle. Jericho should make fun of him, but Shawn should leave. Jericho should then take it upon himself to keep taking out people Shawn cares about until Shawn returns.
WHAT WILL HAPPEN: Shawn will come out and say his doctor won’t let wrestle. Jericho will make fun of him. Jericho will beat him down. Shawn will decide he’s not going to lose his smile this time around.
THE BUILDUP: Well, I hate the buildup for this supposed feud. Hardy can just lose cleanly to Benjamin, but then just days later, he supposedly can take out the Miz, John Morrison AND Finlay in a Fatal Four Way? Point being, there is no way in hell that Matt Hardy is walking out as ECW Champion right now. Mark Henry is getting a decent push, and while I don’t overly care for him, he’s coming across as a decent champion over there. I do think that Hardy will be screwed out of his win, so that we can set up a longer program between the two, but I really don’t think it will ever go anywhere. I’m not excited to see this match, and I will probably use it to run to the fridge and get some snacks.
WHAT SHOULD HAPPEN: Mark Henry should screw Hardy out of the win. Hardy should get a rematch, loser leaves the brand style. Hardy should lose that and go back to Smackdown where he belongs.
WHAT WILL HAPPEN: Mark Henry will win and no one will care.
MVP vs Jeff Hardy
THE BUILDUP: You have two of the most interesting wrestlers going after one another. After disregarding all of the rumors of Hardy’s broken neck, I believe this should be a really fun match. I think this feud has the potential to be a main event type deal in the future. Either of these guys have the ability to be main eventers. They both want gold. They’re both in line for that. (That last line was solely for JackRoller).
WHAT SHOULD HAPPEN: Jeff should pick up the win, but it should be close. He needs to barely squeak by, so we can buy a continued rivalry. MVP has been getting the best of him. It’s time for Jeff to go over. At the same time, we don’t want a definitive win by either man, because it would cheapen what we have overall. I think it needs to be close, but that Hardy should get the win.
WHAT WILL HAPPEN: It will be close, but Hardy will get the win. Unless, there is some truth to Hardy’s injuries, in which case, MVP will take him out, having injured another Hardy.
THE BUILDUP: The buildup hasn’t really happened. I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking it’s going on all the time. But no. The buildup between Santino and Beth has, but Kofi and Mickie haven’t done shit.
WHAT SHOULD HAPPEN: Santino should get the pin on Mickie James. He grabs the intercontinental title and gives the women’s to Beth. Then Adamle should come down and announce that Santino beat the women’s champ, so he is women’s champ, and Beth is Intercontinental Champion.
WHAT WILL HAPPEN: Beth will get the pin on Kofi, and take the IC, giving the Women’s to Santino. This will begin their decent into hell.
WHAT SHOULD HAPPEN: Triple H should not be allowed to have a title if he can’t be around to buildup some storyline for it.
WHAT WILL HAPPEN: Triple H retains. I think this match will be better than anyone gives these two credit for, but that doesn’t mean I’m saying it will be great by any means.
BUILDUP: JBL gets his shot, loses it. Then, rather than moving down the card, gets ANOTHER shot when Y2J does something STUPID. Buildup? I guess you could call it that.
WHAT SHOULD HAPPEN: We should go back in time. Y2J should get the shot at the title. He should interfere in Shawn’s announcement. Shawn should do a run in and take out Y2J, costing him the title.
WHAT WILL HAPPEN: Punk will barely pull it out. Hopefully after this, he’s given a feud with someone like Y2J or Mysterio to really solidify himself.
John Cena vs. Batista
BUILDUP: Good. Good. WTF? TAG CHAMPS? Good. Oh, and by “Good,” I mean “Good, but not as good as it could be.”
WHAT SHOULD HAPPEN: This feud should have been put off till Mania. They should have had the buidup at the Rumble like Warrior/Hogan did before Mania VI. As it is, we need a no contest, or a heel turn by one of them.
WHAT WILL HAPPEN: No contest. This will keep going for a while. Eventually, one of them will turn heel, hopefully ala the Bret Hart/Austin turn!
Hell in a Cell
The Undertaker vs Edge
THE BUILDUP: The buildup has been PERFECT. I honestly have not enjoyed buildup to a match like this in years. Everything makes sense, and it’s been building forever.
WHAT SHOULD HAPPEN: Edge should get the clean win, boosting himself as the greatest thing in the business.
WHAT WILL HAPPEN: Edge will be screwed by La Familia, enhancing the feud with them. Taker will move on to face HHH. Edge V. Chavo just has classic written all over it………. That’s called sarcasm.
THERE YOU HAVE IT. Those are my picks. Leave yours if you have any!
Gotta agree with James. Watched my recording of Smackdown and the Battle Royal deciding who would face HHH for the belt at SummerSlam came down to Big Show, Jeff Hardy, and the Great Khali. Now I’m not the biggest fan of Jeff Hardy, but at this point I pretty much KNEW that he was going to win. I hoped Big Show would win. I really did and almost thought he was going to pull it out but seriously, with those three guys in, Kennedy out, Jeff Hardy was going to win this. Then Jeff Hardy eliminated Big Show. Now I know you’re following me. It’s Khali and Hardy now. I have lost all interest here. If they had left Kennedy in I would be on the edge of my seat. Hell, if MVP was in I would be wondering if they had the nuts to give him a shot at the title because we all know this is SummerSlam and something crazy just might happen. But NO – it’s the Great Fucking Khali. Jeff Hardy wins. End of story… And then the Great Khali won. I was freaking out – and not in a good way. My roommate that watches no wrestling says in this “isn’t it obvious?” voice “They must have done that to surprise everyone – obviously you were surprised.” And I said “No, they’ve just lost their fucking minds.” And I’m not the only one that agrees with James in his previous post. Check out the reaction from this kid at 5:46 on this video when he saw Khali won. Sorry, Dibiase Jr – THIS is priceless.
So I read the spoilers for Smackdown, since I will be unable to watch it tonight. I won’t exactly ruin it for anyone, but I’m really annoyed by the title match for Summerslam.
With so much other talent in the ring, so many money matches waiting to happen, we do this???
Sure, some of you might have known black people and Jesus were going to win all along. I’m sure Ted Dibiase did. But I will admit now in hindsight that I should have known too. Here Kurt Angle runs his mouth and we know the rest. Because of forces we do not understand, and black people, Kurt Angle is now on a show where women are watched more than he is and he can only muster the strength to put those old bones in the ring one day a month. It’s like he’s some kind of pro wrestler werewolf that only gets his powers under a full moon. So sad.
For those of you that missed it, or don’t watch ECW, or just haven’t watched wrestling in a while, Matt Sydal is now wrestling on ECW. And if you’re upset with what WWE has done with ECW it is worth it to watch and see Sydal wrestle as Evan Bourne.
I was wondering just what in the hell the E was thinking not having Santino on every RAW. Maybe it was so I would get blown away by his return. And for him to confront Mysterio? Great. “The Batman?” Hilarious. I am already digging this feud.
Cena gets escorted out by JBL’s thugs and returns at the end of the show with Cryme Tyme?! TWIB?!!! Forget the stable of legacy wrestlers, forget the Dudleys and Booker, this is the faction I want to see. Vince always seems excited to see Cryme Tyme so it just makes sense that he would team them with his golden boy. I really hope this is happening. I mean I marked the fuck out! I might have finally called something right (previous blog).
I’m not sure if this is TNA’s intention but they should become the alternative to WWE. Does Warrior going to TNA do that? No. But in the time it takes Warrior to come back they could improve. They could dump the stuff that loses viewers like Lethal’s wedding and, just for the hell of it, have Lethal have a good feud and showcase his skills. That goes for the entire X division. And honestly, I can’t be too hard on TNA because they seem to be going in the right direction (Lethal is about to stomp Dutt, AJ feuding with Angle, Joe as champ vs Booker – all good things). If they keep things up and keep going towards more respectable wrestling they could draw in and keep tons of viewers with a return by the Warrior. Seriously, even if Warrior is a flop, the amount of viewers he would bring in during his first month would be huge. And yeah, we doubted this at first but you would not believe how many hits Warrior gets on the internet. He’s like John Cena and Hornswoggle rolled into one (read previous apology to Vince McMahon article by James for explanation on Hornswoggle). His youtube video of the beginning of his return match was already over 200,000 hits one day later and you can find the same number of hits on his return workout videos. Come on TNA. Just one month. One pay-per-view. Become the next thing to make WWE drop one in their pants. And for those down on Warrior he has made significant progress in a short amount of time. With TNA’s production this dude will look scary if they get around to signing him.
Here we see the entrance and start of Warrior’s return match. Word is Warrior blew out his knee which explains why he hobbles down to the ring. But I guess he decided he was going to go all out anyways. Of course you can’t turn back when you put a countdown on your website. And you can’t walk to the ring when your music shreds like that. And if you’re beating your chest, jumping onto turnbuckles, and shaking the ropes like a madman you can’t finish your entrance without showing off your daughters in their sunshine yellow dresses. AWWWWW.
A total of twenty-eight WWE Superstars changed brands following Monday’s live Draft on Raw and today’s Supplemental Draft on WWE.com. Here is a complete breakdown of all the moves.
JOINING RAW
Rey Mysterio, CM Punk, Michael Cole, Batista, Kane, Jamie Noble, Deuce, Chuck Palumbo, Matt Striker, Layla
JOINING SMACKDOWN
Jeff Hardy, Jim Ross, Umaga, Mr. Kennedy, Triple H, Trevor Murdoch, Big Daddy V, DH Smith, Brian Kendrick, Maria, Shelton Benjamin, Carlito
JOINING ECW
Matt Hardy, Mark Henry, Hornswoggle, Super Crazy, Finlay
LEAVING RAW
Jeff Hardy, Jim Ross, Umaga, Mr. Kennedy, Triple H, Trevor Murdoch, DH Smith, Super Crazy, Brian Kendrick, Maria, Carlito
LEAVING SMACKDOWN
Rey Mysterio, Matt Hardy, Michael Cole, Batista, Mark Henry, Jamie Noble, Deuce, Hornswoggle, Chuck Palumbo, Finlay
LEAVING ECW
CM Punk, Kane, Big Daddy V, Matt Striker, Shelton Benjamin, Layla
For those of you that have been watching RAW in the last few months you know what TNAB meant. So you should figure out what TWIB means if I tell you I’m talking about John Cena. I know what you’re saying. “Why are you talking about John Cena? Don’t you know all his fans wear high heels?” Sure, if you still don’t know what it means then ask your girlfriend. If she doesn’t answer give me a ring and I’ll wake her up. Anyways, what I’m saying is this, Cena hit rock bottom last week when Trips called him uncoordinated and told him all his fans were in bed and Cena did nothing but put Trips over. John Cena needs to go back to his old gimmick. Hell, after this draft, RAW needs Cena to go back to his old gimmick. No more boring promos and patting backs. We need throwbacks and sideways caps. Steel Chains and battle raps. ENOUGH OF THIS CLEAN MARINE BULLCRAP.
Now we have Batista and Kane on RAW. Cena is sure to face these guys and he just can’t do it with this “good sport” routine they’re scripting for him. We need the Doctor of Thuganomics. And this video of Cena rapping about Lesnar (who is Batista-like in many ways) should show even the haters of Cena’s old gimmick that it needs to come back yesterday.
PS. Apparently Vince McMahon died tonight. He was 103. Cocaine was not the cause of death.
Here’s a link to the site for Midway’s TNA game for the home consoles. It looks pretty awesome, but when it comes to wrestling games, the only thing I care about is the play control. What I hope is that the game will be a huge hit and get TNA some press.
